


Just The Way You Are

by cloversprite



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Beca is trans these are the facts, College Dorm Life, Coming Out, F/F, FTM/MTF solidarity, Family Relationships - Freeform, Friendship, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Self-Discovery, Trans Beca Mitchell, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Jesse Swanson, Trans Male Character, Underage Drinking, death of mother, roommate hijinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2020-09-07 04:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 30,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20303524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloversprite/pseuds/cloversprite
Summary: Beca is a trans woman who is starting college in Georgia. The story follows her struggle to fit in and make friends, mend familial relationships, discover new pieces of herself, navigate college life and maybe find love along the way.





	1. Enter Beca

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-re-reboot of a fic that I was working on last year and the year before. I just got a copy of the pitch perfect script and it is prompting me to edit, add, and start writing again. I hope you enjoy and I welcome any and all respectful comments and criticisms. I am also trans (although not a trans woman) so this was written based on some of my experiences. I hope you enjoy!

The noise of the crowd and the whir of the air conditioning units and the jets just overhead was all a little overwhelming. Beca Mitchell hated to fly. The airport was seriously stressful, not to mention anything of airport security screening. The traipsing through miles of institutional hallways with heavy luggage, the misgendering and scrutiny and questioning, The TSA agents checking IDs, invasive X ray screening, and pat-downs. The flight to Atlanta had been uneventful. She had alternated mixing with her headphones in and feigning sleep to get past the claustrophobic feeling of being surrounded by 100 strangers in close quarters and to evade stares (weather real or imagined) from her seat-mates. She’d developed a tough skin and a resilient attitude, but it was easy to get pulled in to the overwhelming casual bigotry of being in public if she wasn’t quick to guard against it at every turn.  


She was apprehensive about starting school, especially in the southern united states. She would much rather have been on her way out of the terminal at LAX ready to bust her ass getting coffee and shuffling paperwork in a recording studio. She was ready to work her way up into the glamor of LA nightlife and Hollywood notoriety, not spend four years outside of Atlanta cracking books and taking tests. She just wanted to make music. She wasn’t sure how she would get through college. Barden University was not what she had hoped for her future. It was a speed bump, at most, she hoped.  
She had done everything she could to prepare. She had researched college housing rules and selected the gender inclusive housing option available so that she wouldn’t have to room in the men’s dorm. She had researched her rights as a student and changed her name with records. She had located the single stall bathrooms on the campus maps, and researched Georgia transgender rights to know what she was up against. She was not excited. But she was a little less afraid and uncertain this way.  


She only waited a minute on a bench near the airport taxi stand, but the humid August heat was sweltering all the same. Her flannel was sticking to her back and the dark colors of the familiar grey plaid no longer felt so comforting. Just as she contemplated taking it off, a taxi driver pulled up and prompted her to load her luggage into the open trunk. In the backseat she felt naked without her computer and mixing equipment by her side or on her lap. She gave him the address of the Barden University student center and they were off. The driver tried to make small talk but she didn’t invest much into it. Yes, this as her first year at college. No, She was just doing the to make her family happy. No, she was not excited. No, she did not have a major picked out. After a few questions, she put her headphones back in and made her best “don’t talk to me glare” towards the driver. She wasn’t trying to be rude, she just wasn’t interested in delving further into the small talk. She wanted to get today over with.  


She wasn’t homesick for Portland yet, not really. Portland was still all bittersweet memories and walking on eggshells. When her dad had taken the job at Barden University a few months ago, he had left 18 year old Beca behind in Portland, Oregon. She had lived with her grandmother in the months before her move to Georgia after her dad left to establish himself in the city and prepare for classes. She was a lot closer to her grandma since her Mom’s death a year before, but found it awkward living in her house on the east side of the city without her mom there to make it seem like the home she remembered when her mom was alive. After the divorce, Beca’s mom Carol had moved back into her own mother’s house just across town. Carol was close with her mother, and they lived well together until Carol died tragically in a car accident around the time of Beca’s 17th birthday.  
****

When Beca arrived on campus she quickly got out to get her luggage out of the back and paid the driver. As she was unloading she glanced up to see a goofy stranger serenading her from the back of his parents SUV. His eye contact unnerved her. She was never sure whether people were clocking her as trans and silently judging. She was never sure when the silent judgement might turn into violence or harassment. She uncomfortably rolled her eyes, but he just kept singing his air guitar solo as the car pulled forward, jostling him in his seat. 

After signing in at the registration table and getting her campus ID, The RA in charge of her orientation group (whose sunshiny voice she found irritating and mostly tuned out) walked Beca and the group of other freshman towards the mandatory welcoming assembly in the student center. The assembly featured a quick speech from the university president and a general overview of services available on campus as well as some carefully put together propaganda about the joys of college life and living at Barden. Following the assembly, Beca’s orientation leader walked the group around campus for a tour, showing them the library, the quad, dining hall and assorted lecture halls and academic buildings. Beca mostly trudged along thinking about the mix she was working on during her morning flight, and wishing she had the foresight to get some coffee at the airport and maybe drop her backpack off at her dad’s house or better yet ship more of her belongings ahead of time. She didn’t really have much-- her mixing equipment, computer, a couple changes of clothes, some toiletries and a few sentimental things she didn’t want to have shipped-- but it was a lot to shlep all around campus and she was tired from the overnight flight and lack of caffeine.  


The group finally made its way back towards the curve of dormitory buildings surrounding the courtyard near the dining hall, and the peppy blonde senior leading them motioned for them to disperse and find their respective dorm rooms. Beca made her way towards Baker Hall and through the throngs of freshmen and parents also finding their way for the first time. She eyed a group of older frat-looking guys dismissively as she watched them hold up number scores for female students and leer unsettlingly as they walked past with their parents and stuffed animals. She both tried to hear and not-hear the comments they made about her, if any, as she walked past. She wasn’t exactly easy to miss. She was alone, and although she was small, her dark clothes that were frankly inappropriate for the weather helped her stand out. Black eye-shadow rimmed her eyes, small gauges and an industrial piercing framed her angular face. She didn’t hear any of their comments clearly, as she tracked away from the line of rowdy boys and made her way into the doors of Baker Hall to set up her room and meet her roommate.


	2. Here We Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's a quite short. A small look perhaps into Jesse's first day at Barden. I'm planning on posting approximately once a week but y'all might get an extra one this week since this one's small and I'm several chapters ahead anyhow.

Chapter 2

Jesse Swanson knew that this was going to be his year. The sky was blue and the weather was perfect, a sunny 80 degrees (Jesse loved Georgia summers. ) The birds were singing and the two-hour car ride had gone pretty fast. The previous eight months had been a roller-coaster of emotions, but he felt like things were on the upswing. He’d been working out, swimming, and practicing all summer to get his voice and body ready to meet new people and join the Treblemakers in making an acapella consecutive winning record. He recently bought some new clothes too, and he felt ready to make an all around great impression. He felt ready to explore on his own and spread his wings, so his parents insisting on driving him was a little frustrating, but he was determined to make today a good day. He had even convinced his parents to play his specially curated playlists on the way to Barden, and it was putting him in the perfect mood to start the rest of his life.

As the family Prius pulled through the campus gates, someone caught his eye. A short woman wearing dark colors and big headphones. He could tell right away that she was miserable in the heat. She looked grim and also a little lost. As the traffic stopped in the long line of freshmen and parents, he got the chance to really look at her. Her tattooed shoulders were freckled and burning in the hot sun; her black jeans were ripped in a way that looked to be from years of use and not corporate branding; Her headphones looked expensive, studio quality headphones that weren’t flashy, but to the right observer definitely conveyed that she was serious about music. Her numerous piercings glinted a little in the daylight. He wondered about her. Where was she from (obviously not here)? What was she listening to? Why was she so gloomy? Something about her left him wanting to know her.

When she approached his rear passenger window and started to pass, Jesse stuck his head out the window and played an expert acapella rendition of the guitar solo from a Kansas song. He was rarely shy, and this was no exception. He continued to belt out the notes and strum his invisible instrument while she glanced his way and rolled her dark, black rimmed eyes. Focusing intently on his musical number and the stranger out the window, he missed the fact that the traffic had advanced and he slammed into the car seatback as his mom pulled forward towards the dorm registration office.

After they had signed for his key helped him take his suitcases and boxes upstairs, he motioned for his parents to leave light-heartedly. He knew this was a hard moment for them, but he also wanted his space. He was only a two-hour drive away and he planned on coming home every couple of months and during high holidays, to visit his parents and little sister and celebrate respectively. His mom held him in a long embrace, basically squishing the air out of his lungs as she kissed his cheeks and forehead, getting his face and shirt wet with tears. After she had thoroughly smothered him, dad hugged him too, for a slightly shorter amount of time. Now that the goodbyes were over, he took a deep breath and carried himself with confidence as he made his way up the stairs to his new home for the next 9 months. He still hadn’t managed to meet his suite mate, but he read their names on the door and walked in, ready to start the adventure. Here we go!


	3. And They Were Roomates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always have a hard time not updating the story every time I write something new and then taking it all down later to edit. I promise you that this time I will for sure finish the story. I actually have around 12 chapters written and several outlined in the middle. (I have the first 5.5 and the last 6 chapters written). Because the last chapter was dreadfully short and all, I'm posting this one early. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 3

After stopping at the desk and picking up a box of her belongings she had shipped down prior to her arrival, she made her way along the hallway and up the elevator to the fourth floor where gender inclusive housing lived. When she got to room 415 the door was ajar and she could hear some humming inside as someone shuffled around. Taped to the door was a picture of the school mascot like all the other doors and some yellow paper with their names and pronouns on it.

“Jesse Swanson (he/him/his)” she read above her own name and gender pronouns. She took a deep breath and entered. 

“Hey I know you!” 

Beca was startled. “No you don’t” she murmured. This wasn’t exactly the impression she was hoping for, but social skills weren’t exactly her strong suit. 

“Yes I do, I sang to you. I remember because you were in a taxi. Is your dad a taxi driver?”

“No.” She stated. “I’m Beca, by the way. And you’re Jesse?” She gestured towards the door where their names were printed. 

“That’s me!” he said cheerfully and went back to putting up a vintage looking Jaws poster over his bed.

Beca immediately started setting up her mixing equipment. She was eager to get a break from the awkward social interaction and more eager to finish the mix she had started on the plane. It’s not that she was anti-social, but she was guarded and nervous. She wondered about Jesse. What was his story, what were his interests, what were is motivations in choosing the gender inclusive dorms? What would he think about her? 

It wasn’t that she was prejudiced against men or anything, she liked them fine and got on with them okay, but she was nervous. There was all the toxic masculinity and potential homophobia and transmisogyny that could turn violent and was stereotypically male behavior. But she was in the gender inclusive dorm. They did have to take an anti-bias and anti-harassment training later in the week, so that was something. She decided to feel out Jesse and try and see where his beliefs lay before saying anything about being trans. 

Honestly being trans was a big part of her life. She was still a woman first and foremost, but being trans had shaped her identity since she found out what that meant when she was 11 or so. It was a way to relate to others. A better shot at belonging. A community of shared understanding where she could be every part of herself. She treasured the online company of a few other trans women that she cultivated and she was a part of the youth drop-in center back home in Portland. She didn’t have many close friends, but many acquaintances she considered her friends, until leaving for Georgia forced her to leave it all behind. She was planning on it anyways, eager to get to LA as soon as she could to get a start on her career, but without the satisfaction of working towards her dreams, she began to feel a little bit of loneliness creep in. The internet and her mixing was all she really had. 

“I’m going to mix for a while” She gestured awkwardly to the desk where her mixing equipment and laptop were set up. “Just uh, don’t touch and uh, let me know if you need anything I guess?”

And with that she sat and put on her headphones. She was almost into the groove of things when she heard a loud knock at the door in a moment of musical transition. 

“Campus police! Hide your wine coolers!” a voice said from the other side of the door. 

The knock at the door startled her, and she nearly fell over in her chair as she spun around to face the intrusion. Before she or Jesse could get to it, the door opened and her father walked in smiling jovially 

“Just your dad making a funny” he said. 

“Chris Rock everybody” replied Beca under her breath. 

It wasn’t that she disliked her dad really, but they weren’t close. The was certainly upset at him for making her come to Georgia, come to college, and for divorcing her mom. I guess truthfully she did have a choice. She could have stayed in Portland or gone to LA right after graduation, but she didn’t want to disappoint the only family she had left. Her dad and grandma wanted her to go to college, and if she was going to go, she might as well go to Barden where it was free with her dad’s faculty position. Might as well not pay for something that she didn’t want and was unnecessary anyways. 

“And you must be Beca’s roommate! I’m Dr. Mitchell, Beca’s dad. I teach comparative literature here.” He was dressed in a corduroy blazer complete with elbow patches. A walking stereotype, Beca thought, scoffing under her breath. 

”Ah so not a taxi driver after all” Jesse balked a little at the abrupt intrusion and forward personality of Dr. Mitchell, but quickly found a stride and engaged with Dr. Mitchell in a bit of conversation about the joys of Barden and his major (“Cinema studies with a music composition minor” he was “fairly decided already”) Before he turned his attention back to Beca. 

“When did you get here? How did you get here?” he started. 

“I took a cab. Didn’t want to inconvenience you and Sheila” she said sarcastically. 

The fact that her dad was married again made her bristle. It was a betrayal to her mother. How could he just move on and stop trying with her mom? How could he still bring himself to marry Sheila so soon after mom died?

Sheila was nice enough she supposed. Young. Too young for her dad she thought, and a bit stuffy and formal like plastic covering the furniture. Not that she had ever been in her dad’s new house to see if they in fact had plastic on the furniture. She didn’t suppose they probably did. 

“How is the step-monster?” Beca said with a sarcastic role of the eyes

“Oh she’s fine, thank you for asking. She’s actually at a conference in Vegas this week for work. Never been be-”

“Oh I don’t actually care, I just wanted to say “Step-monster”” Beca cut him off. 

“Anyways. I’m just glad you got here Beck. Have you seen the quad? In the springtime all the students study on the grass”

“I don’t want to study on the grass, dad. I should be working in LA at a record label so I can start paying my dues”

“Oh come off it Beca. DJing is a hobby. Not a profession. Unless your Rick Dees or someone awesome!”

Beca huffed. Her dad never did really take an interest in her music or take it seriously. It was just something she tinkered with instead of spending time doing more important things. She was tired of her dad trying to push “the classics” and the importance of a liberal arts education. Some people weren’t cut out for this. She thrived on technology. Computers, music and mixing. She didn’t need to learn Shakespeare to know what she was meant to do. She already knew. Music was everything.

“I want to make-- I want to produce music dad” Beca was beyond irritated. Her dad had always been quietly supportive of her-- Never mean or outright bigoted, he worked to understand Beca’s gender and after 6 years he usually got it right. But this was something he wasn’t willing to budge on. He would always value the traditional achievements of a college education and push Beca’s real interests off as something trivial. 

“But you’re going to get a college education first. For free, I might add.” At that Beca did not look impressed. She rolled her eyes as she finished making her bed.

“So instead of getting real world experience in what I actually want to do with my life, I’ll spend four years studying on the grass. “ Beca huffed.

“I’ll tell you what. Join any club on campus, get involved. Try a little. If after a year here you still want to go off to LA and be P. Diddy, I will help you move to LA” Dr. Mitchell added 

“I got an internship at the campus radio station” Beca piped up.

“Oh Beca. That place? It’s dark and dirty and has what? 3 weirdo’s who work there. Pick something else. Please.”

“Well 4 now” she said gesturing to herself.

“I really need to see it Beca. Join in!” Dr. Mitchell said in a sing-song as he stepped out. 

On one hand Beca supposed this was a good thing, her dad offering to help and all. And on the other hand she had to deal with joining into another social activity when she just wanted to mix and leave. And then there was Jesse, she wasn’t sure what to make of him yet. Beca hoped she and him got along or it was going to be a long year. With this in mind, Beca mumbled a goodbye that, when pressed, might pass as friendly, and slipped out to the activities fair with headphones resting gently against her neck. 

*****

Stepping outside Beca instantly regretted it. It was Hot. She began to sweat in her flannel instantly, and decided to take it off in favor of the much cooler tank top underneath. Swinging the flannel over shoulder, Beca walked on into the crowded courtyard and through to the quad where the activities fair was already taking place. 

Convinced there wasn’t much there for her anyways, she wasn’t really looking for anything. She paused in the middle of the walk when a table looked slightly interesting, too far away to really get anybody's attention and too far away for them to engage with her if she did. She was contemplating seeing if the school’s theater department needed any help with sound and lights for upcoming productions, at least she would get to sit up in the booth by herself and maybe her dad would think that was involved enough to let her lack of commitment to college life slide. She saw a table in the school’s green and gold colors that proclaimed Barden DJ’s and her interest piqued a bit before realizing the club was for Deaf Jews and not music. She stepped away. 

While the “Running in a Circle Group” seemed interesting she was pretty sure it wasn’t the right kind of interesting. As she was walking away from the “Running in a Circle” representative and his atrocious finger guns, that was when it happened. 

The first time Beca saw her the air was filled with some sort of obscene fraternity chant but Beca didn’t notice as she walked toward the end of the aisle-way where the stunning redhead and uptight looking blonde were handing out fliers. She didn’t mean to get so close, it must have been sub-conscious or perhaps the other women stepped forward to facilitate the interaction but before Beca could look away or slip on her headphones the other woman was smiling brightly and handing her a flier. 

The woman was speaking to her and god, even her voice sounded like sunshine. Red hair shining in what was left of the tail-end of Georgia summer air. A gold name badge pinned to the front of a prim blue dress matched the delicate gold chained heart necklace across Chloe’s throat. Beca’s thoughts slowed and the sounds of the crowd were drowned out. She felt like her ears were full of bees and it was so hot. Beca glanced at the flier and took in some of the details. The Barden Bellas. A Competitive Women’s Acapella Group. In the group photo she saw a glimpse of red hair, and she looked up again, eyes returning to Chloe’s gold-flecked blue ones.

“Oh...this is a thing now....” It wasn’t really a question, it was a revelation. The tension was palpable, at least for Beca. Straight Beca. She really didn’t have time to think about that. 

Chloe was talking again, positively chipper. “...it's all with our mouths” And Chloe was pointing to her open mouth with her pen and she was pressing soft pink lips together to make a quiet popping sound. She might have winked. She was wearing lipgloss. 

“Wow, Yikes” Beca thought she might be blushing. She knew she was blushing. She hadn't meant to say it outloud. 

The blonde woman next to Chloe snapped in then. Beca might have forgotten she was there altogether if she hadn’t chosen that moment to take out some frustration on what sounded like an unintended dismissal from Beca. 

“We sang at the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Center you bitch!” Aubrey snapped

Beca flinched at this, she hadn’t even really meant to dismiss what Chloe was saying, it was an instinctual reaction to Beca feeling flushed and hot and nervous all of a sudden having Chloe flirt and watching her mouth. It was all too much. 

“What Aubrey means to say” Chloe was assertive in a gentle way that showed her care for the blonde “is that we are a tight knit, talented group of ladies with dreams of returning to the national spotlight at Lincoln Center” 

The whole thing sounded a lot like some kind of musical sorority. These women certainly looked like they could belong in one. Beautiful and thin and tall and friendly-- well, Chloe was friendly at least. They were both sort of...Beca struggled for a word. Pristine? Ladies was a good word for them. On the surface they reminded her of the girls she avoided in high school; the ones who were polite to your face yet you could feel them talking about you the moment you turned your back, only Chloe didn’t seem to actually be like that? 

Beca preferred the kind of music she worked on in the privacy of her room, only showing others when each beat was perfectly placed. She didn’t need sleepovers or choreography or revealing matching outfits. She didn’t need the distraction, the inevitable questions, the choice between hiding herself or infamy as the face of trans inclusion at a small southern university, if they would even accept her if they knew. Beca knew about other trans women who were trying to gain entry into women's colleges and sororities; their stories very rarely inspired more than a sense of sadness and anger. She doubted she would fit in even if they would have her. Not that she was considering it. 

“Help us turn our dreams into reality?” Chloe was smiling and her eyes were so hopeful it hurt a little bit. She reminded her of a puppy. Beca had to look away.

“Sorry I’m not really a singer” Beca lied, saying the first plausible thing that came to mind. “It was nice meeting you though.” That part was true. 

As Beca walked away she shook her head a little at herself and slipped on her headphones. She stalled a while longer walking through campus before finally returning to Baker hall and losing herself in the music. Jesse was out, and when he returned, she didn’t notice. 

Beca thought about her friend Emily up north in Michigan. She thought about messaging her to hear how her second year at college was so far. Was she still planning on trying to join a sorority again? They hadn’t talked in a while, not since Emily’s rush for a bid at an U of M sorority had resulted in her doing that interview with Cosmopolitan magazine about her journey as a trans woman in greek life. Beca ran her hands through her hair and decided against it for tonight (but wrote it down on a sticky-note for another day). Beca didn’t want that kind of attention. She wasn’t the sorority type. She wasn’t considering joining the Bellas, she just wanted to check up on her friend. 

As Beca slipped into bed that night her sheets felt smooth and cool against her legs. She drifted off thinking of softness and the shimmer of gold and blue. She slept fitfully and dreamlessly, surprisingly content.


	4. Chloe's Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please don't be afraid to give pointers or suggestions. I love all the feedback and the Kudos. I'm pretty new to writing fiction so I hope I'm improving over time.

Chapter 4

Senior Chloe Beale felt in over her head. It was a sunny fall day in Georgia and the lawn and sidewalks that made up the Barden quad were full of tents and tables and students milling around them. The activities fair and orientation coincided every year so as new students found dorms and moved in they could get a good idea of the different activities on campus and hopefully get more involved. 

Chloe loved the excitement and bustle. The warm breezy weather, another year on campus, she was exactly where she was supposed to be; but there was a big task ahead and she felt a bit daunted at the year to come. 

This year Chloe and her best friend Aubrey Posen were set to take charge of the Barden Bellas. The only all women’s Acapella group at Barden University that once held high esteem. The Bellas had fallen from grace in the national spotlight last year at the International Council of Collegiate Acapella National Championships in New York City, where during their groundbreaking debut as the first women’s acapella group to qualify as finalists, Aubrey had showered the front row of the auditorium in a rain of projectile vomit. Chloe didn’t blame Aubrey for her nervous habit, but it was quite inconvenient timing for it to appear again. Of the few remaining members of the Bellas who had not graduated, Chloe and Aubrey were the only two to remain loyal enough to the group to show up again the following Autumn. After the Bellas’ “puke-gate” at Lincoln Center last spring it would be a huge undertaking to recruit eight all-new Bellas. On top of the already difficult task, her best friend Aubrey was stressing. And when Aubrey stressed she was mean and uptight and exactly the opposite of the face the Bellas needed right now, not to mention the possibility of stress-induced vomiting.

She was trying to “just keep flyering” but even the unfortunately nicknamed (by Alice their previous captain and tormentor) “baloney Barb” wasn’t auditioning this year. So many people were avoiding eye contact and walking by. So many not taking taking a flyer nor showing interest. A women would take a flyer every so often, mostly out of polite obligation. Aubrey’s steadfast gaze appraised each face that passed. Nobody had seemed excited all afternoon. 

Aubrey was determined to make this, their final year at Barden, really count; determined to overcome the previous year’s embarrassment and to restore their once prestigious name back to its former glory. Everything needed to be perfect for Aubrey. Chloe suspected it was her Military father and strict upbringing along with her desire to redeem her own reputation, that was the driving force behind Aubrey’s near pathological need for control and success.Chloe wasn’t surprised when Aubrey was quick to mention the importance of physical appearance as well as a talent for singing. Chloe wasn’t convinced that “bikini-ready bodies” were strictly necessary, and said as much to Aubrey. If they could just find enough good singers amongst the incoming freshmen and transfer students, Chloe felt they might have a shot at making this year count. Chloe loved to sing. She wasn’t nearly as concerned with the win as Aubrey. True, she didn’t have as much at stake as Aubrey might in their victory, but she wasn’t less invested. Chloe was quietly confident and hoped that her sunny ease would rub off on the taller blonde. 

Chloe and Aubrey had just finished listening to Fat Amy sing and do some “mermaid dancing” when Chloe’s gaze was drawn to a short brunette across the walk. The small woman had a sharp nose and dark eyes that sparkled in the sunshine. She was alone and walking with aimlessness, perhaps looking around for something to sign up for. She wasn’t making eye contact or pausing at any of the booths long enough to catch the interest of the other exhibitors. Her light hair was back in a half-bun and her grey flannel accentuated her strong shoulders and slight frame. She had several piercings that shone and glinted in the light and a smudge of a green tattoo on her forearm. (Chloe was too far away to see what it was). The purple headphones on her neck showed she liked music enough to care about headphone quality at the least. And she was certainly pretty, in a quiet way. Not the way that Alice had been, and not in the way Aubrey was. This stranger was pretty in the way the ocean way pretty, Chloe thought-- she was brooding and mysterious and sharp, solitary and commanding. Her eyes were dark and as she walked she exuded, not confidence exactly- but distance all the same. 

“Oh- What about her?” Chloe asked with interest, quickly nudging Aubrey with her elbow as she motioned to the woman approaching them on the walkway. The brunette, still too far from Chloe and Aubrey to pay notice to the Bella’s booth, paused at another booth long enough for Aubrey to appraise her from afar. 

“I don’t know,” said Aubrey, looking very much like she had already made up her mind “she looks a little too ‘alternative’ for us.” Chloe was not deterred. As the small brunette approached, making eye-contact now, Chloe, handed her a flyer. 

“Any interest in joining our a-capella group?” she questioned casually, not giving up just how thoroughly the other woman had captured her attention. 

“Oh right this is a thing now?” The brunette examined the flyer with a shining hint of a smirk that threw Chloe off kilter. Chloe’s nerves left her brazen and exhilarated. 

“Toats!” chirped Chloe, “we sing covers of songs without any instruments. It’s all from our mouths” with a gesture towards her mouth that, in hindsight, Chloe feared may have looked a bit obscene. 

“Yikes” mumbled the girl currently occupying her attention. 

Aubrey snapped at that, giving the brunette a piece of her mind. 

“What Aubrey means to say, is that we are a tight knit, talented group of ladies with dreams of returning to the national spotlight at Lincoln Center.” Piped in Chloe. She hoped if she showed interest, friendliness, tact, that the woman might still consider joining their ranks. 

“There’s four group on campus the Bellas, that’s us we’re the tits.” Chloe didn’t miss a beat “The BU harmonics, they sing a lot of Madonna. The High Notes.” She gestured to a group of students lounging against a tall oak. “They aren’t exactly motivated. And the Treblemakers...” she trailed off and directed her attention to the Trebles a few booths away, unintentionally making a face. 

“Help us turn our dreams into a reality?” Chloe was hopeful, maybe naively. 

“Sorry, but I don’t even sing” the brunette mumbled a bit defiantly, shaking her head. The woman handed back the flyer and walked away and towards another booth. 

“What are we gonna do?” Aubrey was even more panicked now that this mysterious alt-girl thought that the group wasn’t even worth her time. She had laughed at them. Aubrey was humiliated, and a little mad too. 

Chloe was lost in her thoughts. She had a feeling that she was supposed to talk to the woman, and her intuition wasn’t usually wrong about such things. She was sarcastic and sharp and beautiful and Chloe was itching to know more, wanted at least to put a name to her face. 

By the end of the day Chloe was exhausted. They did end up giving flyers to a few interested (and interesting) parties and spent the time after the activities fair flyering around campus and on the dorm bulletin boards. She was still worried, a bit in the back of her mind. Auditions were a week away and they had eight spots to fill with only her and Aubrey continuing on from the previous year. She was worried, but it didn’t consume her. She put on a confident face for Aubrey and kept up her positive energy. She believed in that kind of thing. Energy. Intent. If she believed it, if she planned it and willed it it would materialize. They would be aca-awesome, she told Aubrey as they parted ways for the night. 

Since the Bella house was undergoing repairs and would not be ready to inhabit for a week or two, Chloe was staying with her friend Tom. It made sense, they had been fast friends ever since they met working on the spring musical her freshman year, before she was involved in the acapella scene, and since he was a Resident Assistant this year Tom had a single room. Tom was popular and charismatic, attracting the attention and respect of the cast and crew, and with Chloe’s exuberance they were a good match. They had dated on and off for a bit and they were compatible enough, but something was missing between them. They were still sleeping together when the mood struck, but Chloe figured that was the extent of where their relationship would go. She was satisfied with that.The sex was good, and Tom was a good friend to boot. She was not one to be ashamed of her sexuality or abstain from listening to her urges when there was nothing to be lost by giving in. She was happy with her friends, being single, and she didn’t need another person to validate her or complete her in that way. 

She sent a quick text to Tom letting him know that she was done flyering and asking him to please meet her at the door to buzz her in to Baker Hall where he lived. 

As she crawled into bed next to Tom that night and started to fade into sleep, her mind drifted back to dark blue eyes and a sharp smirk. She dreamt of the ocean.


	5. Daydreaming

Chapter 5

Over the next week Beca’s thoughts drifted more than once to the bubbly redhead she met so briefly her first day on campus. Chloe. She thought, picturing the thin gold nameplate emblazoned with a blue and white letter ‘B’ alongside her name and title. Captain. Aubrey’s had read the same. Captain. Beca’s thoughts flited to Chloe’s copper hair cascading over shoulders covered in gauzy blue fabric. Beca’s brain formed the image of Chloe’s lips open and then closing in a thin, but audible, pop. She thought of bubblegum, the color of Chloe’s lip gloss. Chloe’s arms pale and covered in constellations of fine freckles, the easy way Chloe spoke of Mariah Carey Chart-toppers and Ladies and dreams. She was disarming. 

So Beca had lied. And Beca had retreated, like she always did. 

Jesse on the other hand was goofy and had a boyish charm about him. Beca tried her best to ignore it. She didn’t need Jesse getting ideas. She was in for the year and then on to LA and didn’t want anybody holding her back. He hadn’t been anything besides friendly, but one couldn’t be too careful. He asked about her life back home and her interests and her friends, tried to make small talk, but she was more interested in protecting herself than making friends. And he was always respectful, and always used her pronouns, but one couldn’t be too careful. Jesse watched movies. A lot of movies. Which meant he was mostly quiet after the initial settling in period and Beca was free to mix to her heart’s content. Beca was fine with that. 

The Anti-bias training three days later was uninspiring. Use people’s pronouns, don’t assume everyone’s like you, don’t be an asshole. It included a module about consent and conflict resolution that was important but basic. They did some trust exercises and getting to know you games. They “unpacked the invisible knapsack”and made genderbread people and a few folks shared about their feelings. Beca didn’t volunteer much information. Her favorite color (plum, if grey didn’t count), the fact that she was an only child, and that her favorite holiday was thanksgiving. She learned that Jesse’s favorite animals were dogs. Jesse also revealed his favorite food (popcorn) although it wasn’t surprising. They met their neighbors Mac and Alyssa, a women’s studies major and an aspiring Psychologist. Beca learned that Tom, the Hall leader was an art student and that Kail if they could choose any animal, would be a bumblebee. The Gender inclusive hall was to meet monthly to do a dinner and learn/discuss. Beca knew this was a requirement going into this hall; they were supposed to form a community or some shit. She was willing but not excited. 

By her second week, Beca was settling into the swing of things. She went to classes sometimes and even secretly enjoyed some of them. Introduction to Philosophy, Sociology, and Creative Writing were alright. Introduction to Business, while dull, she thought might prove useful in the future, although she would be hard pressed to admit it to anyone else. Sure, she often slept through her philosophy lectures (who could really blame her, they were at the perfect nap time), and was mixing the other 50% of the time, but she was doing what her dad had asked of her. What more could he really want? She still had yet to pick a club or activity she was really interested in besides the radio station, so there was a little more to do but she had time still. So far Jesse was a tolerable roommate and really what else could she ask for? It’s not like she was jumping at the opportunity to make friends or be social or bond with her suite mate. Beca supposed she was probably just tolerable as a suite mate herself. 

Her third week of term, the radio station manager gathered all the interns and warned them that freshmen weren’t allowed in the booth or to actually DJ. The interns would split time shelving the CDs in the school collection, answering the phones and developing their demo tapes for the following year’s internship. Beca was disappointed and turned to her thoughts as she took a milkcrate of disks and began to shelve them. Spinning her wheels making a demo tape for an internship she wasn’t going to take seemed like a waste. She had both a lot on her mind, and seemingly nothing at all. So she thought of shiny copper pennies and sunny barely-fall days and ladies. And she thought of metaphors and morés and a world where people said “totes” and “Awes”. Every so often the station lights flickered slightly and the already dark basement dimmed perceptibly. Beca didn’t have the mental energy to go over the mix she was stuck on whilst humming the ABC’s to ensure the CD’s were placed correctly. But Chloe crossed her mind effortlessly anyhow.   
Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw a hint of the glowing auburn color that she remembered so vividly from the activities fair. Looking up Beca’s eyes meet the smiling face of Reba McEntire on her greatest hits album instead, voluminous red hair styled in a crunchy-looking 80’s style. Her co-worker Cal beamed as they donned face after face, posing as if becoming each celebrity or monster or baby on the album covers while they stacked and sorted. Beca bit back a smile. 

*******  
On a later afternoon, she was working on mixing that 5,000 miles song with David Guetta’s Titanium, but there was an essence just beyond her reach and it was falling a little flat compared to the way she felt it should sound. Seated on the cool grass of the courtyard, her attention jumped from the occasional passerby back to her mixing software. She had gotten almost comfortable with Jesse’s company, so when he arrived next to her and made himself at home complete with a blanket and picnic basket, she was only amused and not disdainful. While they sat on the quad, Beca learned that Jesse was a theater kid from Indiana who played lacrosse in highschool and that he was a dog person. His dad was a doctor and his mom had stayed home with him and his younger sister growing up. He loved movies and all kinds of art. She managed to give little away about herself, but she was beginning to trust Jesse little by little.


	6. Roommate Hijinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOHOO! I made it farther than I did last time I posted this fic. I have around 8 more chapters written but only two of them are sequential to this one so I'm working on that while generally trying to stay at least a chapter ahead of when I post. Thank you for reading! 💜 ❤️

Chapter 6

Dr. Mitchell had the annoying habit of checking in on Beca periodically. Even more frustrating was his insistence that he know Beca’s complete class schedule. Apparently he had it printed from student records. Beca was sure there had to be a rule against that somewhere, but didn’t want to put in the energy to find out or fight it. This visit Dr. Mitchell interrupted during a particularly frenetic work session. There was a mix that Beca could just not get right but she was almost there. She felt herself on the edge of the precipice towards greatness and if she could have a few more uninterrupted minutes she might be able to get his time she was working towards a mix of “Animal” by Neon Trees and Cobra Starship’s “You Make Me Feel.”

“How’s it going Bec?” Dr. MItchell called into the room without knocking.

“I could have been naked” beca retorted without getting up from her desk. 

“But you weren’t” Dr. Mitchell didn’t seem to get the importance of privacy or social tact in this interaction and it was infuriating. Beca didn’t look up this time either. 

“Look, I know you’re mad at me. I get it. But I can’t just let you waste away in this room fiddling away with technical equipment that I know nothing about. You look like a roadie from Def Leppard for god sake!”

“I just don’t understand why you won’t support me?” Beca complained. She didn’t think he would ever really get there. All the little quios and digs he made at her dreams were exhausting.

The music industry is a seedy place, Beca. I mean have you seen that VH1 Behind The Music show? I just can’t embrace my daughter delving into that kind of thing. Plus, I worry about you.” 

“Dad-- ” Beca Started but was cut off again.

“Look, college is wonderful. It’s that buffer period between childhood and adulthood that prepares you for all the scary things life is going to throw at you. And you create memories here, I see it every day! You’re been here a month and do you have any friends?”

“Jesse’s my friend” She didn’t believe it, but she said it anyway. Across the room, Jesse perked up from behind his book. He pumped his fist and Beca rolled her eyes.

“Just try something, put yourself out there! I know you have your job at the radio station but do something else where you might actually meet someone and not spend all your time alone in a stinky basement”

“But d---” 

“Hey, this is something” Dr. Mitchell pointed the the Barden Bellas flyer on Beca’s desk. “Do that or run in a circle or something. Just try something new. I really need to see it though. Join in! ”

She really wanted to argue, but he was already headed out the door and Beca also really wanted his help moving to LA. Her concentration was ruined already and it had been a while since she had gotten out of the dorm room, so she gathered her shower caddy, robe and clean clothes before heading to the showers at the end of the hall. 

“We’re gonna circle back to that friends thing” Jesse said pointing and grinning.

Beca returned the comment with finger guns and a grimace and walked out the door.   
*******

Beca walked toward the showers a little nervous. She always was about this. Public showers. So they weren’t exactly public, there were separate stalls and changing areas and the like. Plus they were in the gender inclusive hall, so really she shouldn’t be worried. But Beca was shy and the self talk didn’t subside her worry. As she pushed open the door she heard a woman yelp something about being electrocuted. Beca Shook her head. She really didn’t want to know. 

Humming a little louder than usual to announce her presence, Beca selected a changing area and shower stall. Quickly stripping off her clothes and donning her robe she made her way to the shower stall and fully disrobed, sighing under the warm water. She must have started singing absentmindedly, because only a few seconds pass before she heard her shower curtain rings clink together and found herself face-to-face with the redhead from the activities fair. Naked. 

“You can sing!” Chloe exclaimed. Her eyes sparkled with excitement and energy. Her face was so close and her lips turned upward in a jubilant smirk.

Beca screamed. She was not amused. Frantically she turned around and peered over her shoulder, turning off the water with her other hand. All she had to cover herself was a loofah and a bottle of soap. Chloe still stood there smiling as beca tried to cover herself with the loofah and an arm over her breasts. 

“How high does your belt go?” Chloe questioned. She was tenacious and forward if nothing else. 

“My what?!?” Beca snapped. She was not in the mood to be questioned by a naked woman while she was in the shower. A gorgeous naked woman. Not that she ever would be in the mood for that. Beca was flushed and panicked. 

“The tone of your voice is beautiful, you have to audition for the Bellas!” Chloe exclaimed. It was like she could only think about acapella. How could she concentrate while she was standing there in all her glory? 

“I can’t concentrate on anything until you cover your junk” Beca flushed further. Somehow acknowledging the situation made things worse. 

“Just consider it. One time we sang backup for Prince. His butt is so tiny I could hold it with like, one hand.” Chloe winked again, leaning forward. 

At that Beca closed the curtain. She was not feeling altogether protected by it but at least her body was obscured. Chloe opened the curtain again and leaned her weight against it with her hand. 

“Seriously, I am nude.” Beca huffed.

“You were singing Titanium right? Chloe looked at Beca challengingly and her eyes were deep and intense. 

“You know David Guetta?” Beca asked incredulously. She was sure someone like Chloe was a strictly top-40 kind of woman. 

“What, have I been living under a rock? Chloe exclaimed. Now it was her turn to be incredulous. “That song is my jam. My Lady Jam” She said coyly. Beca wasn’t sure ashe was breathing any more. 

“That’s nice” She managed. Mouth dry and face flushed. She needed a glass of water or maybe now a cold shower. 

“Yeah. It is. That song really builds. Sing it for me?” Chloe asked. How could someone who appeared so wholesome be this brazen? Beca was drawing a blank. 

“What!? No! Get out of here!” They were in a very public shower and here was Chloe basically propositioning her. She was sure there was at least one other person in the room as well since she heard voices earlier when she walked in.

“Not for that reason! Look, I’m not leaving here until you sing so...” Chloe tapped her foot against the tile floor and feigned a yawn. 

Baca was a little relieved, but it did nothing for either the panic or arousal she was feeling. Beca looked around for an escape. Seeing no way around it, she began to sing again. 

“...I’m Bulletproof, Nothing to lose. Fire away fire away...” 

“...Brick of shame, take your aim. Fire away, fire away. You shoot me down but I won’t fall. I am titanium...”

Breathing heavily Beca’s eyes met Chloe’s and didn’t immediately look away. Beca noticed Chloe had lovely freckles and a light flush below her throat that dusted the tops of her breasts. Her stomach was toned and her hips curved out slightly into full muscular thighs and calves. She was a natural Redhead.   
“Yeah, I’m pretty confident about all this” she said montioning down her body from her head downwards. 

“You should be” Beca said, the words more or less falling from her mouth. She could almost feel Chloe’s breath against her face. 

Chloe handed Beca a towel just as Tom, Beca’s RA, walked around the corner, towel around his waist and covering his eyes.   
“I make it a habit to not see my residents naked, and you have a lovely voice” he commented pulling Chloe back to their shower stall and away from Beca’s. 

“See you Wednesday at auditions!” Chloe shouted back as she Tom pulled her away. 

“Thanks.” Beca grimaced to herself before hanging her towel back up and continuing her shower at a much colder temperature. 

******

When Beca returned to her room, Jesse was thankfully out. She had just missed dinner but she wasn’t thinking about that. Upon flinging the door closed, she immediately sank down onto her bed and fell backwards. She was straight. She had always assumed she was straight. She had never really dated much in Highschool. There was Leo, a friend whom she did have an intense connection with, but she always assumed she was leaving soon after school and broke things off. They had barely kissed and then Beca panicked about the physical side of things, and the long term possibilities and left. She distanced herself after that. He said he was okay with her being trans, but what if he changed his mind? And what if they fell in love and he wanted her to stay with him in their hometown. Portland was fine, but it wasn’t LA. 

She didn’t really find herself interested in anyone else. She longed for friends and she admired girls in her class. But that was normal wasn’t it? She wanted to be like them, wanted to look like them, and wanted their approval. She longed for it. But maybe there was something there? Perhaps she wanted more? What if she admired them in the gay way? She didn’t think she was gay, but she also had never really thoought about it until today.

Chloes suggestive tone and lingering glances made her panicked and a little ashamed, but also definitely made her feel something else too. Arousal. She could barely breathe in the shower, and she knew she was visibly flustered. She felt flushed even after her cool shower and returning to her room. Her head spun and she felt dizzy. The image of Chloes’ body felt like it was burned in her mind. She hadn’t realized she was looking, hadn’t meant to look anywhere except Chloes’ face, yet she had. Chloe had some kind of magnetism that Beca had never experienced before. The way she winked and smirked. Her lip gloss on the day they met. Her attitude like sunshine. He confidence. The way her wet hair cascaded around her shoulders and stuck to her back. Her surprisingly muscular thighs. The fine hair starting below her navel and trailing lower...

Beca wasn’t straight. She was breathing hard and her pulse was racing and everything felt hot. She could feel the blood rushing from her head, lower. Beca was not straight. Things from the activities fair made more sense now. She felt dizzy. She felt hot. She wished she was back in the shower. She wished she was anywhere private. The door opened as Jesse took that exact moment to return from dinner. Beca yelped and flattened her pillow into her lap sitting up on her bed.

“HI” Beca startled. 

“Hi yourself” Jesse replied suspiciously “what are you up to?” 

“Nothing!” Beca panicked. She felt caught. She felt trapped. She wished she was anywhere else but here even more now than before. 

“Okay weirdo” Jesse said pointedly. “I’m going to watch a movie. Do you want to join me?”

On one hand Beca did not want to do anything with Jesse right now. Her head was spinning and she was drowning in thoughts. On the other, she didn’t exactly know what else to do. She couldn’t very well continue what she was doing before Jesse got home. Beca decided a distraction was just what she needed in this moment. 

“Sure I guess. What are you watching?” 

“Only one of the best soundtracked movies of all time” Jesse said as he held up a copy of The Breakfast Club on DVD and patted the couch he had moved in under his lofted bed. While Beca fidgeted with her hands and did some deep breathing to try and calm down, Jesse rolled his filing cabinet/side table into the middle of the room and began to set up his laptop and portable speaker. Finally feeling able to more from her bed Beca moved herself and her pillow over to Jesse’s couch and folded herself against the arm with her legs tucked under herself to watch the movie.

The movie was good. And Beca was satisfactorily distracted. As the final credits rolled over the bleachers in the final scene, Jesse raised his fist echoing John Bender doing the same onscreen. Beca would have laughed at this, but she was trying not to tear up. She hated to cry. Once she was sure she wouldn't she glanced over at Jesse. He was looking at her already. He began to lean in, glancing at her lips but Beca jerked backwards and got up to turn off the movie.

“Nope!” Beca admonished throwing her hands up. 

“Message received!” Jesse echoed. “Probably a bad idea anyhow.”

“No kidding.” Beca agreed, laughing as Jesse threw her pillow towards her as she rolled the file cabinet back to its place near Jesse’s desk. She supposed Jesse was alright after all; as long as he didn’t try to kiss her again. Talk about a recipe for disaster.


	7. Let it snow

Chapter 7

Beca was weirdly excited for this community dinner. Secretly, weirdly excited. This was only the fourth or so time that the hall would gather as a group and they were surprisingly welcoming and family-like. The brainwashing was very effective.  


Each month the hall was supposed to gather to have dinner and a bonding activity. This was the first time they were gathering for their regular dinner, but they had met several other times in the first week or two to get acquainted and comfortable with each other. Dinner started at 7pm and was in the Gender inclusive common room. The university catering department usually brought the food or they had a local restaurant deliver. This month the activities were supposed to be “Gender Rivers” and “The Game of Life.” She didn’t think it was the board game.  


Dinner this month was lasagna, and they had several different options for vegans, vegetarians, and Gluten free folks as well as the meat-eating majority. Beca heaped a pile of vegetarian lasagna onto her plate with a scoop of green beans and garlic bread and picked her seat at the table. 

“Alright everyone, we’re going to go around the table and answer the icebreaker question” Tom spoke loudly and with authority. People seemed to listen to him. When he drew a scrap of paper from a big bowl he announced “If you were a planet in the solar system, which would you be and why?”.  
Some people at the table groaned but it was an interesting question. Beca didn’t think she had many strong feelings about space and only a cursory knowledge of the solar system, so she grasped for her answer before her turn in the circle. 

“Mercury I guess because it is small and fast, but also really hot” Beca said, which earned her a few laughs. She wasn’t really that confident, but she hid it well. She knew she was attractive, but she didn’t think she was extraordinary, Certainly not “really hot”.

Once everyone had gone around and said their planet the conversation devolved into several raucous discussions that Beca could hear bits and pieces of but wasn’t devoted to a particular one. 

“Nodes are the astrological key to harnessing the positive energy in your life. A north node in Mercury means that you might be able to creatively deal...” Beca tuned that one out and focused in on another “...If we can even trust NASA, I mean they’re the ones who said we landed on the moon so..” Becas head was swimming; She preferred to eat mostly in silence. 

After the food was cleared away and everyone was full, they wiped down the tables and brought out markers and paper and various art supplies. It reminded her of grade school. They were asked to draw their gender as a river, whatever that meant to them and then they would share them at the end. Beca drew a wide, slow river with cattails at the edge of it. She wasn’t sure exactly what it meant but it felt sort of right. Her gender was easy. It just always was; Smooth sailing and easy swimming and a scenic view. She was surprised at all the other possible representations of peoples genders. Jesse said his was a fast river full of rapids, someone else drew their river as a shallow creek, Tom’s had lots of fish jumping (whatever that meant).  


Next they got another piece of paper and were supposed to draw their lives as a game board, including times where they “leveled-up” and “lost health points,” to share at their next dinner. Beca started drawing a thin yellow equalizer bar across the page dipping and rising mostly evenly with a big down spike towards the end. She didn’t want to finish it. The thought of telling all of her hall about losing her mother was daunting, but she didn’t want to lie either; her mother was one of the best parts of her life. They were supposed to watch a movie next but that part was optional so Beca quietly excused herself back to her and Jesse’s room to get ready for bed and be alone for a while. Jesse for sure wouldn’t miss the opportunity to watch a movie.  


Since she showered yesterday with disastrous consequences, she elected to wash her face, brush her teeth, and call it good enough. She returned to the room and changed into loose pajama pants and a soft t-shirt and then launched herself into bed. On nights where she was feeling nostalgic she usually journaled or read some of the letters and cards her mom wrote her over the years. She kept them in a large gift box that was decorated with glitter and fancy writing. “Let it Snow” it said in blue under a flurry of snowflakes. She wasn’t sure what that said exactly, but it felt profound. The box had originally contained a gift from her grandmother. A sweater she had knitted for her when Beca was a kid. Something nice and homey but also not particularly emotional except for its origins. Tonight didn’t really feel like one of those nights though. She was nostalgic and a little sad, but mostly she wanted a distraction. She sat at her mixing station to work.  


When Jesse came in a while later she knew the movie must be over and that it was probably quite late already, but she wasn’t finished yet so she continued working. 

“What kind of stuff do you work on when you’re all cooped up here alone?” Jesse asked, peering over her shoulder at the mixing program open. Beca quickly switched to a different project that wasn’t as personal:The Neon Trees/Cobra Starship mashup she was working on yesterday. 

“I FIND SONGS WITH THE SAME CHORD PROGRESSIONS AND CREATE A TRACK THAT BLENDS THEM ALL TOGETHER.” Beca yelled as she transitioned seamlessly to working on this mix. “THIS IS THE NEW BASELINE AND THIS MATCHES UP DOWNBEATS. I’M TALKING REALLY LOUD, AREN’T I?”

“Yeah, a little” Jesse smiled. 

“Here, listen.” Beca said handing over the headphones.

“THIS IS REALLY GOOD” Jesse fake-yelled to Beca, laughing. “Who’s it about?” he added.

“Wha--?” Beca stammered.

“Well it must be about someone, the songs are about some new secret affair and you’re as red as a tomato” Jesse poked her shoulder. 

“I just, it’s nothing. She’s just someone I met when I started here and it’s really--” 

“She?” Jesse interrupted. 

“--New. Yeah, I mean, I’m Bi I think? I’m sorta still figuring it out.” 

“Cool. It’s not the same thing or anything but I’ve been there too. It took me a long time before I decided to transition to be comfortable saying it out loud.” Jesse said.

“Oh, I didn’t realize...” Beca laughed.

“Well hopefully this doesn’t make things weird for you.”

“Oh what, no? Same hat.” Beca stuttered happily, pointing between the two of them. Jesse didn’t reply, he looked on cautiously. “I’m trans too, nerd. I was really scared to tell you since we live together, but this makes things easier.” Beca clarified. 

“Oh, OH. Okay. Cool.” Jesse confirmed. “So... is this woman why you left then; You wanted to finish the mix you’re making for her?”

“I’m not making it for her, I’m just...making it. And no.” Beca answered. 

“Oh?” Jesse questioned. He waited for her to clarify what she meant. 

“Yeah, I just. “The Game of Life” thing. It made me think about my mom and I didn’t want to be around everybody all mopey and shit. She died last year.”

“Oh jeez. I’m sorry. Are you okay? I mean, of course you’re not okay, but like, do you want to talk about it?” Jesse rambled. 

“Not really” she said “I just came up here to not think about it for a while.”

“Oh, sorry.” Jesse was lost on how to handle the grief minefield before him. 

“No, it’s okay. I’m just tired and wanna go to bed.” Beca said, letting Jesse off the hook. It was true, she was tired but if they had been closer friends she may have talked about her mom for a bit anyhow. Sometimes it was nice to just reminisce. 

“Well goodnight” Jesse sighed. 

“Night” Beca chirped back. 

Jesse climbed up into his bed and Beca snuggled into hers.There was a weight off her shoulders now, knowing that Jesse didn’t care she was trans, saying she was bi out loud, and talking about her mom just a little. She slept almost peacefully, dreaming of her mother leaving for a big trip and knowing she wouldn’t see her again. Beca missed her even in sleep.


	8. handcuffs

Chapter 8

A cappella audition day was today. Beca went to her sociology class and then headed to lunch. She usually saw Jesse in the dining hall on Wednesdays but today he wasn’t there. Beca ate her veggie burger in silence and mulled over the prospect of auditioning. She didn’t need to list the negatives. There were many. The positives though; there was starting to be more of them. She loved music and this could be a good exercise in creativity for her mixing. It would get her dad off her back. She would get to see Chloe. Honestly seeing Chloe was at the top of the list. Taking the last drink of her iced tea, she decided. Today she would audition for the Barden Bellas. 

After lunch, an impromptu mixing session, and homework Beca was tired and dreading auditions. They were in a half hour and she still wasn’t sure what she would sing let alone why she was putting herself through this. She paced back and forth in front of her bed. She thought back to the dream she had last night, about her mom leaving on a trip, and had an idea. 

When she got to the theatre she was horrified to hear 12 different variations on Kelly Clarkston’s “Since U Been Gone”. It obviously was what they were supposed to sing for the audition. She wasn’t even sure where she would have looked up that information, but everybody seemed to know it. She was going to walk out after briefly entering a wing of the stage, but Chloe caught her eye and announced her presence to the group.

“Wait we’ve got one more” Chloe perked. Not only was Beca the only one not doing ‘Since U Been Gone’ but she was last as well. 

“I didn’t know we had to prepare that song.” Beca stuttered shyly.

“It’s okay, sing whatever you want” Chloe dismissed as the intense blonde next to her glared. (“Aubrey?” she thought) Beca approached the edge of the stage and bent down to eye level with Chloe and Aubrey. 

“Can I borrow this?” Beca questioned awkwardly, pointing to a yellow plastic cup full of pens. Without waiting for a verbal answer, she carefully poured the pens onto the judges table, sat down cross-legged with the cup in front of her on the stage and began her audition.

“I got my ticket for the long way ‘round, two bottles ‘a whiskey for the way, and I sure would like some sweet company and I’m leaving tomorrow what-do-ya say?...” She sang as she hit and clinked the cup against the stage rhythmically to form the percussion for the song. The audience was silent and Chloe looked on with rapt attention while Beca continued. “...you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.” 

“That was aca-mazing!” Chloe clapped happily.   
“Thank you.” Aubrey said flatly, looking at her excited friend. 

“Alright now that we’re finished, if a group likes you they will contact you directly. Thank you everyone for coming! ” the host of the auditions announced and the auditions were officially over. 

******

Beca had gotten the call on Thursday that the Bellas were interested in having her as a part of the group, and she accepted, not knowing fully what she had gotten herself into. When Chloe showed up at Beca’s dorm room the following Saturday, Jesse was still sleeping soundly. Beca who usually slept like a rock was thankfully working at her desk with her headphones over her ears. She didn’t hear the door open, didn’t hear Chloe walk over, but was startled when Chloe leaned down and placed her chin on Becas shoulder and a hand on her arm. 

“Jesse what are you doing?! Just because I told you my secrets doesn’t mean you can get all up in my personal space. I--” As Beca turned around Chloe lifted one side of Beca’s headphones to speak directly into her ear.

“Lets go” Chloe whispered authoritatively. 

“Wha--where are we going?” Beca questioned.

“I’m supposed to handcuff and blindfold you to take you to be sworn in, be a good sport about it okay?” Chloe confided. 

Beca wondered if Chloe told the other recruits what was going to happen too. She didn’t expect the next time she and Chloe were alone together would be like this, but with a track record like theirs there was no telling what would happen. She acquiesced to the handcuffs and blindfold because it was Chloe who asked her to. The handcuffs were fuzzy against Beca’s wrists as she “tested” their strength. She knew they were plastic and didn’t pull hard, but she liked the feeling of resistance combined with Chloe’s soft touch on her arm and voice against her ear. They walked into a building and down some stairs and then the blindfold was removed and Beca saw a group of other women whom she must have been the last to join. She was crestfallen to have Chloe leave her side and split her attention between all of the new recruits. Beca missed the warmth of Chloe’s spotlight. 

The room was filled with candlelight and the flickering of hundreds of flames. Aubrey and Chloe stood at the front of the group next to what looked like an altar with a large silver chalice on it. They swore an oath to uphold the duties of a Bella woman and drank wine from the chalice and thankfully that was all there was to initiation. With that they were led out of the room and towards the Treble house for the initiation night party. 

When they arrived they all scattered from the group eager to join in on the dancing, drinking and socializing the party promised. This was Beca’s first college party and she was a little nervous about the whole thing. Surprisingly she saw Jesse headed over to her and felt a bit more at ease despite the way it threw her brain into a time wharp. 

“Do my eyes deceive me, or are you a Bella?” He said smugly. 

“And you’re drunk right now. How are you here?” Beca said incredulously. 

“I’m an a cappella boy, you’re an a cappella girl... think of all the fun memories we’re going to create, it’s inevitable”

“That’s not, I...okay.” Beca knew there was no reasoning with people this drunk. 

“Can I get you a drink? I’m gonna get you a drink. You need to get on this level. ” Jesse said, finger guns blazing.

When Jesse left to get Beca her drink, Beca was left to scan the crowd. She saw all the other new Bellas mingling with each other and catching up with people they knew in the other groups. She even saw a couple of non-a cappella guests, Tom, but no Chloe, and the hosts of the Auditions. Even Aubrey seemed to be having a good time; She was talking animatedly with one of the new Bellas who called herself Fat Amy. But where was Chloe? As if Beca summoned it, she felt hands on her shoulders from behind as Chloe spun her around so they were face-to-face. Chloe leaned in so close that Beca could have counted Chloe’s freckles if she wasn’t so distracted by how close she was to Chloe. It seemed like Chloe’s eyes were always sparkling.   
“Oh” Beca reacted to the touch and closeness. She felt a warm buzz travel through her body like she had already been drinking. 

“I’m so glad I met you. I think we’re going to be really fast friends” Chloe whispered. 

It felt like Chloe was telling her a secret and Beca didn’t know how to react. Straight Beca wouldn’t have to think about how to react, Beca thought. She felt dizzy at the implications that she wasn’t straight. Even though she said it aloud a few nights ago, it didn’t feel real. She had to remind herself that she was here with Chloe at the aca-party. Under the stars, face-to-face with Chloe. 

“Well, you saw me naked” she said casually, winking “it’s hard not to bond after that.” Beca felt almost the same level of disarmament as when Chloe interrupted her in the shower earlier in the week, even though they were both fully clothed and outside in the middle of a crowd. She inwardly chastised herself for the wink, but hoped that it came off as aloof and cool.She desperately wanted to seem aloof and cool. If Beca were capable of paying attention to anyone or anything else, she might have seen Aubrey in the distance giving the pair of them a sceptical eye. But she was far too focused on the distance between Chloe's mouth and her own, the smell of botanical soap and something floral, Chloe’s warm breath which didn’t yet smell of alcohol. She was preoccupied with Chloe and keeping up her cool facade; interrogating her inner monologue and analyzing whether or not her thoughts seemed gay. 

“I just knew when I heard you singing in the shower that you had to be a Bella, I didn’t know it was you ‘till I pulled back the curtain” Chloe laughed out her sentence. 

“You remembered me” Beca stated, quietly touched and excited that she had made some kind of impression. 

“Of course, You didn’t back down even when Aubrey got after you at the activities fair. You were incredible. In knew it when I first saw you.” Chloe didn’t hesitate. Beca was embarrassed at the praise. She had always been a bit awkward about taking compliments. 

“Got your drink!” Jesse suddenly interrupted from about 20 feet away. 

“Oooh, good idea. This ginger needs her jiggle juice!” Chloe said wiggling her butt at Beca and winking as she walked away. Beca tried not to look, Honestly. But it was useless. Chloe had gone out of her way to make sure she looked and Beca was not too great with self control. 

“So that was her, huh?” Jesse said as he approached, handing Beca a red plastic cup.

“Shut up!” Beca confirmed, smacking Jesse’s shoulder.

The rest of the party was alright. Everyone did a little dancing and Jesse and Beca ended up playing volleyball off to the side in the grass. Someone had either set up the net with the party in mind or forgot to take it down earlier in the day. Beca was having fun, but she still kept sneaking looks over Jesse’s head to see if she could get a glimpse of a certain redhead.   
As Beca went to bed later that night, she felt happy. She was making friends, she was having fun. She wasn’t thinking about whether she was straight or gay or bi. She was warm and tipsy and free.


	9. Your own cardio

Chapter 9

When Beca awoke the next morning her head was pounding. She hadn't drank that much the night before, but her body wasn’t yet used to alcohol either, and everyone was up quite late at the party as well. She got up and showered without incident, ate breakfast and did her normal routine. The first Bellas meeting was scheduled for noon, so she had a little time to kill before she needed to get going. She decided to start a new project. As always she was inspired and enamored with music. She had heard some new tracks at the party last night that stuck in her head, so she put the metaphorical pen to paper and got to work at her desk.   
Noon arrived quickly. She was easily lost in a new mix she was hoping to show to Aubrey for the Bellas. Beca hastily shut down her mixing equipment and walked quickly to the designated rehearsal space.She was late.   
Now that she was really getting a good look at the group in the light, she could tell they were a ragtag bunch. They didn't look like any of the pictures of the old bellas that were mounted on the walls proudly. They were fatter, shorter, and definitely less white than any of the previous groupings, not to mention the alternative looks of some of the new members, Beca included. She was worried. In a rare occurrence, Beca hadn't considered how her transness fit into all of this. Was she the first trans woman the Bellas had accepted into their ranks? Would they approve if everyone knew? Beca suspected that Chloe, who had seen her in the shower, had at least glanced at her body and knew she was trans. Chloe seemed open and excited to have her in the group. But what about Aubrey? What about the other women?

“Alright, now that we’re all here” Aubrey glared at Beca “altos in the front and sopranos in the back.” Aubrey directed all the women to sit down in a half circle around a big whiteboard. She drew a small box in the corner of the board and wrote Beca’s name followed by a tally.  
“As you can see, some of the initiants are no longer with us. Kori and Mary Elise have been treble-boned.”

The group tittered with objections and questions. Beca didn’t see why it had to be that big of a deal. 

Aubrey silenced the group by beginning loudly and softening as the group quieted. “SINCE THEY HAVE ELECTED to betray the Bellas’ oath and have been disinvited, I need all of you to give 100% today and every day for the remainder of the season.” Aubrey looked as if she might vomit at any moment. “Alright, let’s begin” she said smoothing her shirt over her stomach as if to quiet her nausea. Aubrey turned over the portable whiteboard and revealed an intense and complicated flow chart. “New Bellas” Was written at the top in neat purple handwriting. 

“This is war. We only have four months until regionals. Does anyone know how to beatbox?” 

Fat Amy raised her hand excitedly and demonstrated her less than stellar beatboxing “skills”. 

“So that would be a “no” Aubrey concluded. “Anyhow, We practice two hours a day. Seven days a week. I trust that you will add your own cardio.”

When the group groaned and balked at cardio Aubrey practically growled. “Cardio is an important pillar of my plan to become national champions. I’ll demonstrate.” and with that Aubrey started to hold a note, loudly. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...” She didn’t sound like she was stopping any time soon. 

“Alright captain” Stacie said with reverence over Aubrey;s sustained note

“...hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” The rest of the Bellas had started to applaud. When Aubrey stopped, she didn’t even look winded. 

“Holy shit” Beca said quietly to herself. She shared a small smile with a beaming admiration-filled Chloe. 

Continuing on as if nothing had happened, Aubrey passed out a short list of pre-approved songs sung only by women. Beca rolled her eyes and sighed. This was going to be a long and dreary year if Aubrey didn’t decide to shake things up a little. Saying as much, Aubrey snapped and re-commanded the room to an hour and a half of focused practice. Aubery had them walking, and running in 4inch stilettos, learning some basic choreography, practicing their instrumental sounds, and running up and down the bleachers in their small gymnasium. 

Clapping her hands, Aubrey commanded attention. 

“Skills Test!” Chloe chirped excitedly. Aubrey smiled too, while the rest of the group looked on nervously. 

One after the other they were given a piece of choreography to demonstrate for the captains, as well as a corresponding part of the song to vocalize. After each performance, the two captains would give feedback and corrections for them to practice again in front of the group. When it was Beca’s turn, she was given a piece of choreography like all the others before her. She tried her best but ultimately was not very good. She knew it too. She had never danced before really, certainly not with choreographed steps, so this was going to take some getting used to. After getting her corrections, Chloe walked over placed her hands on Beca’s shoulders as she was doing the arm movements and vocalizations for the Ace of Base song they were learning. Beca choked and staggered into the next step and Aubrey yelled at Beca to do it again “from the top”. Beca had lost her concentration thinking about the feel of Chloe's hands on her shoulders pressing gently down to smooth them into the right shape; the warm easy way Chloe matched her vocalizations; the closeness of Chloe’s body behind Beca’s as they sang together again. Chloe backed away from Beca as she struggled again to perform. 

“Alright, I’m calling it” Aubrey announced concluding the rehearsal. “ We have a performance next week so I better see you all here tomorrow bright and early for practice.”

There was a mumbling of acquiescence from the group. 

“Beca, a word” Aubrey called as the rest of the women packed up their stuff. When Beca looked up at her She continued “You know you’ll have to take your ear monstrosities out for the gig next week.”

“You really don’t like me” Beca answered. “You don’t even know me.”

“I know you have a toner for Jesse. A musical boner. I saw it at Hood Night. It’s distracting.”

“That’s not a thing” Beca blurted incredulously turning to exit the gymnasium. 

“I can see your toner through your jeans!” Aubrey shouts after her.

“That’s my dick!” Beca calls out, smirking as she exits. She hears Chloe snicker behind her as she heads to her afternoon class, and she isn’t worried anymore. 

******* 

After the first 4 days of practice, Beca is exhausted. The last thing she wants is to somehow work her own cardio into the exhausting routine. So when she wakes up to Jesse leaning over her bed wearing gym shorts and with an expectant look on her face all she can do is roll over and groan. 

“It’s cardio day! No time to sleep in!” Jesse says sounding way to excited for a Thursday morning before 9am. 

“Ughmgh” Beca responds “I’m busy today nerd” Except she isn’t too busy for this. Going to the gym together had been on her calendar for several days. Beca just wasn’t a morning person.

“Nope!” Jesse argues snatching the covers off Beca’s bed leaving her cold and bare in Pajama shorts and a tank top. Jesse throws the covers onto his own bed and stands waiting and tapping his foot at Becas bed. In one last ditch effort to get Jesse to leave without her she grabs the pillow out from under her head and throws it at him. It hits his square in the head but he isn't deterred. 

“Fine” Beca growls and crawls out of bed to change into her own gym clothes. 

The on campus rec center was equipped with a variety of the usual gym equipment.   
When they arrive they head for the treadmills and slope into a slow jog. Beca got out her phone to pass the time with some music and settled into the jog as much as she could for someone who was dreadfully out of shape.   
After a song or two Beca’s music abruptly stops and she looks to Jesse for the answer. 

“I think it’s time we had a little chat, you know, a little roommate bonding” Jesse said holding Becas phone like a prize while slowing down a little to compensate. 

“Isn’t that what we’re doing already? We’re at the gym together” Beca gasped, snatching unsuccessfully toward her phone on Jesse’s treadmill. After several unsuccessful attempts to grab the phone from where she is running. She slows to a walk and then gets off the treadmill to retrieve her phone and only source of entertainment. As she slowed, Jesse pressed the incline on his treadmill up so he was elevated significantly, walking up a big hill and also taller than Beca by a good foot now instead of their usually similar heights. Taller now, and holding the phone above his head, Beca was no match. She tried to get her phone back by jumping, but it was humiliating and useless unless she were to tackle Jesse to the ground. She doubted the rec center staff would appreciate that. Resigned, she huffed back to her own treadmill, irritated and winded from running. 

“Since someone so rudely took my phone I suppose I will have to run in silence” Beca huffed, not ready to let Jesse win. 

“If you’re not going to talk I will I guess.” Said Jesse matter-of-factly. “My classes are great. Generally loving my intro to music composition course. I’d highly recommend it.”

“I’m taking it next semester-- ” Said Beca before she realized she had committed herself to silence. 

“Treble practices are an intense mess, bumper totally makes a fool of himself at least once every practice because he takes himself so seriously, but he takes the group really seriously too so that usually makes up for it.” Jesse rambles before asking “how are your practices?”

“Aubrey would kill me if I revealed our secrets to the competition” Beca smirked “She’s no joke, which is obviously why I’m here right now adding my own cardio and not sleeping”

“And how is your sexual awakening coming along? Any progress?” Jesse asks, surprisingly with a straight face

“JESUS JESSE! Can we not do this right here in front of everyone?!” Oeca overreacts, running harder as if to avoid the situation

“Fine, I’ll go first.” Jesse begins “I thought I was fully sexually awakened thanks to a healthy curiosity and a liberal jewish upbringing but I’m beginning to think that I might--”

“OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH DUDE” Beca all but shouts, red in the face

“If you wouldn’t keep overreacting it wouldn’t be such a big deal, you know? No need to be so goddamn conspicuous. Plus it’s not like there’s anything wrong with being bi, it’s totally natural.” Jesse prodded gently

“I know, just, you know. I’m not even sure yet so I’d rather not come bursting out of the closet” Beca was a very private person, so sharing so much as this was way beyond her comfort zone. 

“Ah, okay. I get it. I just want to support you. Do you feel supported?” Jesse was smiling good-naturedly at this point

“YES, yes. Very supported. Bros for life. Now can I have my phone back now? Beca pleased monotonously 

“Here” Jesse acquiesced 

Beca thanked him and they ran the rest of their time in silence.


	10. Bonding

Chapter 10

The Bellas gathered in their usual practice room to put on their final touches before their first performance at a rush event at one of the sororities on campus. There was still over two hours to go until they had to be there but Aubrey insisted that they met with plenty of time to spare. Beca was nervous; She hadn't performed at anything in years. Thinking back, she struggled to remember the last time that she had performed. It was middle school band and she had played in the clarinet section at the end of the year concert. It was a pretty low profile gig, and by comparison this was much more high stakes. For one she was much more visible, and people were depending on her. Plus there was an audience of people she presumed were her peers waiting to be entertained.   
Their little group of 8 women scattered about the practice room. Some sitting in chairs and some on the bleachers. There was make-up to be approved, and hairstyles to fix. As well as warm ups and time spent walking to the venue itself. Beca sat down in one of the folding chairs and began to put on a neutral face of makeup when she felt hands on her shoulders and at the back of her neck.

“Hiya friend” Chloe chirped into Beca’s ear as she began to take the brunette’s hair into sections and braid it neatly. “Don’t mind me, I’m just giving you an Aubrey-approved hairstyle for the performance.”

Beca floundered in response and tried her best to continue with her make-up despite shivers running up and down her spine. She finally settled on a warm “thank you” to Chloe who hummed quietly in response. It’s not that Beca minded the attention, the opposite actually, but she wasn’t used to someone who was as touchy-feely as Chloe seemed to be with everyone. Beca’s family was warm, but reserved with affectionate touch and not having many close friends, she didn’t have much experience in the other direction. Chloe was always touching someone. Holding Aubrey’s hand or touching a teammate’s shoulder. Wrapping Tom in a tight hug after practice. It was like she needed it the same way she needed oxygen. Beca would have to change her responses a bit, because she knew it was just the way Chloe did friendship, but she supposed she could get used to the attention. 

“You’ll have to take these out too” Chloe gently grazed her finger against Beca’s left ear, referring to the black industrial piercing Beca had there. Beca jumped at the touch and reddened at the brief intimacy Chloe had brought to the situation. Beca definitely was not used to such personal gestures between casual friends. 

“Right, Yeah” Beca managed to get out and quickly started to fiddle with the piercing. 

“No, Let me” Chloe interrupted by stilling Beca’s hand against her ear to stop her from continuing.  
Beca had barely got a word in the entire morning. She was far too awkward to think of a biting reply or a quip to lighten the mood, so she sat and allowed the other woman to gently unscrew and remove her piercings and replace them with simple gold hoops that were a trademark of the bella performance uniform. Beca was long done with her make-up, but she sat without question. Chloe’s fingers were gentle and warm against her ears, almost ticklish, but pleasant and shiver-inducing. Beca couldn’t see Chloe smiling into her task, but she did catch Aubrey looking appraisingly at the pair more than once and Beca wonders what that’s about but doesn’t mention it. 

After replacing her earings Chloe moved her chair from behind Beca to facing her. Chloe was all smiles and Beca tried not to look too much at the way that Chloe’s lips curve upward while Chloe takes Beca’s bella scarf and ties is gingerly around Beca’s neck. Beca tried not to think about the way Chloe’s fingers feel nimble and at her throat. Beca tried not to keep looking at Chloe’s lips as they move to tell her that she is finally ready and they can go. Beca felt like she was always trying not to stare but she also couldn’t manage to look away for long.

******

The first performance of the new bellas did not go well. They were off beat and off key. They were effectively booed off the make-shift stage and Aubrey was furious at everyone, even Chloe who later revealed she had some sort of chronic vocal cord condition. It didn’t take the edge of Aubrey’s mood either way. The Bella’s jumbled hand gestures and musical failings combined to create what one frat guy called a “barnyard explosion”. It was truly embarrassing and would surely launch them into a whirlwind of extra practices. But surprisingly none were mentioned. Chloe piped up that it was time for a bellas bonding night and Aubrey heartily agreed. It was easy to forget that Chloe was a captain too, but her calm and sunny energy was definitely needed to soften Aubrey’s controlling and harsh attitude. 

******  
Beca didn’t even know there was a Bella house, so when she got the text to come to the Bella house for bonding she was surprised. The house was a big looking colonial with bricks and columns. When she arrived she could hear the sounds of laughing and shrieking inside which was honestly disconcerting. When no one answered her knock, she turned the handle and went in on her own. The scene was shocking. All the bellas were already there, standing on various surfaces in the living room. Pillows were a-plenty and it seemed like everyone had one and was engaged in what could be described as an all out pillow war. 

“This honestly sets women back like 50 years” Beca said to the group, but it was doubtful if anyone heard over all the commotion.

“Come on Beca, grab a pillow!” Aubrey commanded, but there was a smile on her face for the first time Beca had ever seen. So Beca did, surprised at how easy the rest of it came; the laughter and jumping around the living room, the shrieking and smiling. It was finally starting to feel like they belonged together as a group. 

They were all winded and laughing so when Chloe suggested they watch a movie the group heartily agreed. Chloe picked Brave, and Beca wasn’t surprised at the cute family-friendly pick. They all settled in and someone ordered pizza. Beca picked a seat on the loveseat under a blanket. The weather was starting to get brisk and Beca has always been easily chilled. When Chloe took the seat next to her Beca does her best to look unphased. The blanket is big enough for two and Chloe takes the opportunity to pull the blanket over her folded knees and wriggle her socked feet under it. They aren’t sitting that close together, but Chloe’s foot brushes Beca’s thigh occasionally as Chloe fidgets absent-mindedly.   
When the plot of the movie turns to Merida trying to save her mother from being lost forever as a bear, Beca’s heart drops into her stomach. Beca was easily brought back into the grief for her own mother’s death. What was supposed to be a lighthearted girls night was turning into a somber affair. When Beca got up suddenly to walk to the liite back porch for some air and a break, Chloe concernedly tried to catch her eye but didn’t succeed. 

*****

Beca had been sitting on the porch looking at the sky for a few minutes when the door creaks and Chloe joins her on the stoop. 

“You didn’t have to miss the movie for me” Beca breaks the silence. “I’ll be okay.”

”I just wanted to see if you were alright since you got up so quickly”

“It’s my greatest fear to be turned into a bear so I had to get out of there” Beca joked defensively. 

“I see” Chloe smiled sadly. Beca could tell Chloe wanted to be let in. Something about her smile made Beca want to fill in the closeness with a story. 

“When I was younger I would get into it with my mom sometimes, but we always made up. When I lost her I lost my biggest support. The movie-- Merida trying to save her mom, just got to me is all. I’ll be okay.”

Chloe didn’t respond with words. But she scooted closer and held Beca’s hand. In that moment Beca felt supported like she hadn't felt in years. The moon was thin and the stars were out. Beca would be okay.


	11. Chloe's interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short interlude from Chloe's perspective

Chapter 11

Chloe always had very flexible boundaries. She craved affection and touch all through School, by the time she got to college at least she knew it. In grade school, Chloe was ostracized for being so much. She didn’t really get it. She was always a little oblivious about feelings. She just wanted to be friends but ended up scaring them away. It was never easy to ease friends and lovers into Chloe’s very touchy way of loving, but she always tried her best. She’s toned it down a lot, and self awareness brought her clarity in terms of other people’ s boundaries too. When Chloe first met Tom at a new years party her freshman year, it was easy because Tom was just as touchy right off the bat. A hand on the shoulder, a brush of Chloe’s hair, a kiss at midnight, falling into bed with each other in the first hours of the new year. She and Tom were just in sync, which made for a great friendship too. They dated a little at first, but the feelings weren’t there and things were just better as friends. Friends who occasionally (or often) slept together, but friends all the same.  
When Chloe met Aubrey later that year she felt like College was starting to really take off. She made friends easily, but there was something different about Aubrey. She was reserved at first, but always says what’s on her mind. She’s fiercely loyal and she loves music the way Chloe does, but with a competitive streak. It’s Aubrey that introduced her to the Bellas, and Chloe joined the fall of her sophomore year. When she thinks back to all the memories that they’ve shared over the last three years it’s easy for her to name Aubrey as her best friend, but she doesn’t have trouble making friends anymore, and she thinks that someday Beca could be a best friend too. At least she’d like her to be. Chloe felt drawn to her in a way she couldn’t put her finger on, so she stopped trying to. Chloe wanted to be let into that fiercely private side of Beca, the side that doesn’t hide behind sarcasm and humor (if that side exists yet she’s not sure, but she thinks it must). It’s with this thought that she started texting Beca. She had her number for Bellas business, but she took a chance using it just to chat. 

Chloe: Aws you joined the pillow fight last night. Glad you aren’t too cool for us.

Beca: Gotta do my part to bond. 

Chloe: xD

And with that they were off to the races. Chloe was excited to have a new chapter to their friendship. It felt intimate in a way, talking in a way nobody else could hear. Private. Chloe relished it. Their daily interchanges were a constant in the two women’s lives. Chloe would send a good morning text nearly daily and Beca would continue the conversation prompting an ongoing banter throughout the days. Beca was much more talkative via text as well. It seemed that although Beca was a quiet “thinker” by nature, texting was a way for her to come out of her shell; if she didn’t have to speak it, it was just fine by her. 

Chloe: What are you up to today?

Beca: I’m nursing my battle wounds today. Watching a Movie with Jesse. 

Chloe: Glad you’re taking care of yourself. Jesse?

Beca: Roommate

Chloe: Cool :)

Chloe wasn’t a jealous person, but her interest was piqued. She wondered about Beca and Jesse-- if there was something there. “They were roommates” and all that. She wasn’t jealous, but she was left with a put out feeling that she couldn’t place. She wasn’t jealous though, that she was sure of. There was simply no reason to be.


	12. Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long! I've been quite sick but I'm feeling much better. I've already got a start on the next two updates as well!

Chapter 12

The weeks since the disastrous frat-party performance were indeed filled with extra practices, so many that when Aubrey suggested they would have to ramp it up again before regionals, she wasn’t sure where those practices would fit. There was still a month and some change before regionals though, so Beca had other things to worry about. The big Bella’s Halloween party was fast approaching and she didn’t yet have a costume. Usually this wouldn’t be a big deal for her, but Chloe had explicitly told her that costumes were mandatory for bellas. She wasn’t sure what costume she would be able to come up with in two days that wasn’t a costume from a big box store (not that they would have anything in stock this close to halloween anyhow). Jesse was no help either. She supposed she would have to try the halloween store anyways, she didn’t really have another choice. 

Getting to the halloween store was a hassle. She ended up taking two busses to get there, and when she did the selection was quite picked over. Everything was 25% off and she needed a costume though so it would have to do. 

She passed various body paints and a few leftover children’s costumes to get to the adult costumes. She didn’t want to be a sexy nun, and the disney princess costumes weren’t really her thing either. There were a couple of animal onesies which looked cosy but also a little cumbersome. That might be the right general direction though. She made her way to the accessories section and picked up a pair of black cat ears, a tail and a faux-leather collar. She knew she had a dress or some black jeans at home to complete her black cat ensemble for this weekend’s party. 

********  
Beca decided on the black jeans and a black shirt to go with her cat costume. It was 6pm and she was already ready for 8pm party. She had decided to draw on some cat whiskers to go with her dark eyeliner. Jesse had been teasing her relentlessly for her eagerness when her phone chimed. It was Chloe. 

Chloe: You ready yet?

Beca: ... Why?

Chloe: come over to help us set up? 

Beca: For sure! Be right over. 

Beca wasn’t quite used to Chloe texting her freely, but they were properly friends now. She was relieved to have something to do besides sit on her bed and wait (and deal with Jesse’s teasing) so she put on her jacket and embarked on the short walk to the Bella’s house. It was chilly outside and a little cloudy. Beca breathed in deeply, enjoying the musty smell of fallen leaves. She had always loved the moon, but she couldn’t see it tonight. 

The Bella house was alight with several jack-o-lanterns and some purple holiday lights strung up on the columns. Beca knew she didn’t need to knock, so she walked inside and took in the bustle of pre-party planning. Stacy in a nurses outfit greeted at Beca as she walked in, pausing her work putting up streamers to shout to the rest of the house.

“BECA IS HERE”

There was some commotion from the kitchen and Chloe peaked out from her place at the counter and smiled widely, her pink bunny ears flopping slightly as she tipped her head to see Beca in the hallway. 

“Come in here and help with snacks” She beckoned. 

If Beca wasn’t having a sexuality crisis before, she certainly was now, walking into the kitchen. Chloe was dressed in a pink leotard complete and shiny black stilettos. Beca was awestruck at the length of her smooth pale legs. Her calf muscles were defined and shapely and Chloe’s shoes only accented this. Beca felt as if she was surrounded by warm water and all there was to do was swim. Scanning upwards, Beca saw that Chloe’s bunny costume was completed by a cotton-white bunny tail affixed to the back of the leotard. Beca felt absolutely bewitched by Chloe. A pinkness washed over Beca’s face, and she felt a warm desire churning behind her navel. 

“ A kitten! So cute!” Chloe exclaimed, immediately grasping Beca’s hands and kissing her cheek lightly. 

“I was thinking more like an alley cat...” Beca defended half heartedly

“An alley cat wouldn’t be wearing this” Chloe simpered, tracing her finger gently across Becas throat along the black collar. It was all Beca could take not to gasp audibly, so she settled for an interruption.

“So what needs to be done in here?” She asked, turning to the kitchen counter, where various juices and alcohol bottles littered the counter, as well as some baking supplies. 

“I’m baking brownies” Chloe said cheerfully “And you’re helping” 

“I’m not exactly known for my baking” Beca said “usually it’s a disaster”

“Which is why you’re just helping. I’m a great baker” Chloe said confidently

Chloe wasn’t exaggerating. She had the brownie recipe memorized and every so often prompted Beca to measure this or stir that until the batter was thick and filled a huge rectangular pan. Taking a finger Chloe swiped the inside of the now empty batter bowl and sucked the tip of it into her mouth. 

“You aren’t supposed to eat the batter because of the raw eggs, but I won’t tell if you won’t” Chloe said, smirking and tipping the bowl to Beca, prompting her to do the same. Beca was too flustered to speak. She was going to have a heart attack right here in the Bella kitchen. She settled instead for a hasty smile, and dipped her finger into the leftover batter as well. 

******

Beca was drunk. Amy had shoved some fruity mixed drink in her hand as people started to arrive and it was sweet and syrupy and didn’t burn like she expected. She drank it and then the next drink Amy handed her, as well as the next. People were milling around the kitchen counter making drinks and others were shuffling and moving against each other to the beat of something on a playlist Cynthia-Rose made. Beca saw Chloe dancing with some guy she hadn’t seen before. Beca admired the way Chloe’s body moved against the taller man’s muscled frame. At how free Chloe looked, how content. Beca was certain she wouldn’t get to see Chloe’s contented expression any closer, that she wouldn’t be able to dance with Chloe even though Beca hadn’t even realized she wanted to until just now. But as Chloe opened her eyes, She saw Beca Looking and smiled. She turned once more to her dance partner, said something even he probably couldn’t hear, and sauntered up to Beca. She curled one finger toward herself while she walked forward, prompting Beca to join her on the dance floor. 

“Come dance with meee” Chloe all but begged. Chloe’s smile was blurry, but still beautiful.

So they danced. Beca wasn’t the dancing type really, She was so drunk it didn’t seem to matter. Beca also wasn’t about to say “no” to Chloe. Beca wasn’t sure how long it had been when suddenly they locked eyes. Their faces were close and their breath was ragged from the movement and the heat of the other bodies. Chloe’s lips were red and shiny with lipstick. Chloe leaned in close and Beca thought for a split second that Chloe would kiss her. Beca thought she might kiss Chloe back. Beca leaned in to Chloe’s embrace but then stumbled and fell onto Chloe’s shoulder and laughed. She was pink-faced from embarrassment and the heat was suddenly overwhelming. Chloe supported Beca and directed her to the couch where Ashley (or was it Jessica) gave her a glass of water. Beca had never tasted anything so good and quickly downed it. Ashley (she decided it was definitely Ashley) stayed and kept her company, Jesse and a couple others chatting animatedly around her while her head spun.


	13. What she was thinking

Chloe’s thoughts were racing and her brain was in overdrive. Convincing Beca to come help had been an easy ploy to get to spend time with the brunette. When it was just the two of them they were able to laugh and be free in a way that was different when it was all the Bellas together. And Chloe of course loved their one-on-one time. Chloe wasn’t sure where Beca stood on their individual time together. On one hand she didn’t need to try to convince Beca to come over to help pre-party, but on the other Beca’s cool exterior was hard to read. 

Beca seemed impervious to Chloe’s attempts at affection. No matter what Chloe did Beca never gave into it, avoiding her touches and often having a sarcastic quip in response. But they had danced together and Chloe thought that maybe there had been something between them for a minute; their gazes lasting just a bit too long, but Beca had laughed. They both laughed then, and it was easy to breeze past the moment, but harder to ignore the swoop of her stomach and the catch of her breath at Beca’s extended gaze. But Chloe tried anyways. She busied herself getting Beca a glass of water and left her under Ashley’s watchful eye. The room felt too small all of a sudden and Beca’s eyes too blue. When Chloe returned, it was to Beca laughing at something said just out of Chloe’s earshot. Beca managed a slured “thanksss” for the water as she looked up at Chloe, her eyes hooded and watery. Jesse joined their little group giving Chloe a thin-lipped wide-eyed smile that said he was surprised Beca drank so much but was prepared to deal with the situation as best he could. And Chloe watched as Beca bobbed slightly with her eyes closed, still smiling. Beca sipped some water with Ashley’s hand around her shoulder and mumbled to Jesse about going home. Chloe could see Beca was in good hands so she didn’t worry when Beca left leaning against Jesse, but still she watched. She felt needy and exposed seeing Jesse’s careful arm around Beca, a feeling like wistfulness. Chloe found Tom caught up in a game of beer pong and leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. 

******

The Barden Acapella groups had healthy love of friendly competition— except in the case of the intense Bella/Treble rivalry— and a ‘healthy’ fondness for a good old-fashioned college party. The Riff Off was no exception. Just a short while before regional's the four groups gathered in the disused outdoor pool for a sing off and general merriment. Chloe loved the excitement of catching the other teams off guard with a clever lyric and the way that all the Bella’s pooled their creativity to come up with improvised beats. She loved the challenge of imposed categories that pushed the Bellas out of their chart-topping ladies comfort zone. Aubrey loved the thrill of crushing the competition. Between the two of them, and all the ways they were caught up in the anticipation, they forgot to tell the new Bellas that the Riff Off was different than any other acapella party. The Bellas gathered and between nervous looks and Beca questioning what the hell a Riff Off even was, the category was picked and the competition was off to the races.

Aubrey all but ran to the center of the pool to begin the “Ladies of the 80’s” round“, but the Treble’s just beat her to the punch as they started singing first. A woman from the High Notes cut Treble’s frontman Bumper off with an interjection of the Madonna classic ‘Like a Virgin’. 

So we just pick anything that fits?” Beca questioned with a bright-eyed look that said she thought she understood exactly how this would go. 

Aubrey looked almost giddy as she hurried back to the huddled Bellas to tell them to “watch this” and sprang forward again to interject. Recognizing the Song she picked, the Bellas erupted into ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot”. Chloe picking up the melody behind Aubrey, Lilly miming the firing of a gun, Aubrey posing like a boxer ready to strike, all of them melding together into the song. 

They rushed headlong into “Songs About Sex” with a eager rendition of ‘S&M’ that Cynthia Rose led. Chloe loved to see Aubrey let go a little and relax into the fun side of music. Chloe was warm despite the chill in the air and watched bemusedly as Aubrey pulled Stacy away from the Trebles only for her to approach them again and again in a challenge. “Songs About Sex” was a playful banter of a round. 

When Jesse led the Trebles in “Feels Like the First Time”, Stacy sulked away and Aubrey smirked. Then Jesse pointed at Beca as he sang the verse about bringing out the man in him and Beca smiled and rolled her eyes, arms crossed in mock exasperation. The pit in Chloe’s stomach came back and she wasn’t jealous because she didn’t get jealous. She was mad at Jesse for being a Treble and interrupting their jam and she so badly wanted for the Bellas to have a win. She wasn’t jealous when Beca smiled at him and she wasn’t jealous when she blew him a sarcastic kiss. The pit in her stomach barely had time to settle because Beca was smiling wide and mischievously. And Beca ran towards Jesse and then she was rapping and if Chloe had been jealous she couldn’t be any more because she was proud and impressed and so eager to see what Beca would do next. Chloe’s jaw dropped and Beca didn’t stop. The crowd was rapt and silent. Jesse laughed and Beca turned to the Bellas still going but with a question in her eyes. Beca stopped a beat and Chloe searched her mind for the next verse but no one else had it either so Beca continued, and then finally Fat Amy came forward in the place where the intro transformed into the recognizable chorus of Blackstreet’s “No Diggity”. And Chloe watched as Beca rapped and swaggered, soaking the excitement of the crowd in as everyone joined in. And if Chloe was awestruck, it had every bit to do with the way the night was full of everything acapella should be and nothing to do with the confidence and passion breaking through Beca’s brooding shell. 

It was with shock and outrage that the Bellas lost on a technicality when Beca continued with “it’s” instead of where the other verse ended on “it”. When Aubrey suggests that they make a list of everything they did wrong for practice in the morning, Chloe agrees with Beca that what they just did was awesome, but she doesn’t say anything outloud. They were spontaneous and together musically. It felt like they were together emotionally too. When Beca leaves with Jesse instead of the Bellas and Chloe is disappointed, she knows it’s because Aubrey can’t see how much they gained past their failure.


	14. Reckoning

Fall Turned quickly to winter. Beca didn’t bring up the Halloween party again, the moment was hazy in her mind and if Chloe didn’t bring it up either there must not be anything to discuss. The two women continued their relationship with many coffee dates and study sessions at the library. Beca showed Chloe mash-ups and Chloe suggested songs to start from or that went together. There was an easy comfort about all of it. The two simply falling into eachothers lives at a perfect fit. Chloe the sunshine to Beca’s brooding, Beca the careful to Chloe’s carefree. And Beca tried not to make things more than they were, but sometimes she forgot to reign in her feelings. Sometimes, her brain would gloss over the fact that these weren’t dates and she would find herself crashed back to reality at a mention of Tom or some other interest of Chloe’s; her hopes bolstered at Chloe’s easy affection and dashed at Chloe’s praise of being “such a good friend”.

Regionals crept up on them too. After the Riff Off they did stay a little bit more together in their set, but Chloe was having trouble hitting the notes of “Turn The Beat Around” because of her vocal cord “nodes”. Chloe picked Beca to fill in for her solo.

“I’d be happy to solo if I got to pick a new song and do an arrangement” she said challenging Aubrey. Aubrey was not happy. 

“You should hear Beca’s arrangements Aubrey” Chloe interjected hurriedly 

Beca kept on, bolstered by Chloe’s support. “This song is tired. We’re not going to win with it. If we pull samples from different genres and layer them together we could-”

“Okay let me explain something to you because you still don’t seem to get it” Aubrey interrupted “ These songs will get us to the finals. I’m not about to listen to some alt-girl with her mad lib beats because she’s never even been in a competition. You’ll sing turn the beat around and that’s the last I want to hear of it. Do I make myself clear?” Aubrey was furious and resolute. 

“Crystal. I won’t solo” Beca answered curtly, giving her a sarcastic salute. 

Aubrey selected Fat Amy for the solo, after much hinting on Fat Amy’s part. Fat Amy was thrilled and she put her all into the practices. Over the last week before the performance it was easy to hear how the Bellas had gotten better, more together, more in tune. 

The performance itself mostly went without a hitch. Although Fat Amy did stray from the approved choreography a little towards the end of the performance, it was clear that it was all enthusiasm. Fat Amy didn’t let them down. 

Watching the Trebles perform was a collective blow to the ego. The performance was riveting. Their song choice was upbeat and current and the choreography was exciting. Beca noticed the crowd going wild. It was nice to see Jesse perform again too. Beca had gotten a taste for the way the trebles performed at the Riff Off but under the lights of the stage was a different thing entirely. She was secretly rooting for him, even though they were competing against each other. There really wasn’t much other competition. They were competing against some truly terrible groups. The Bellas watched in amazement at the bad props and costumes. When Jesse and the Trebels exited the stage sweaty and breathless, Beca was at the forefront giving Jesse a big grin.

“Nice going out there!” Beca said. 

“Did I rock your world?” Jesse quipped.

“Only every day of my life” Beca’s smile was fond. 

The banter between Jesse and Beca was easy now since they spent some of every day together. Beca would even say they were friends. 

Aubrey looked on at the two of them in fury. Fraternizing with the enemy would not be tolerated. 

“Come on Beca. we need to return to our seats.” Aubrey enunciated coolly. Jesse managed an apologetic smile towards Beca before she was whisked away back to the audience where they would wait for the final results. 

When the results came, Aubrey was mollified. The Bellas managed to squeak into second place behind the Trebles and make it to the next round of competition, beating out some truly boring groups. Privately, Beca thought that the novelty of an all female group bolstered them just enough to make up for the fact that at the core, they were boring too.

*****

The excitement of the performance was still thick in the air. All the groups mingled into the lobby where an aging quartet of acapella singers were performing for the crowds as they filed out of the auditorium. Honestly Beca wasn’t sure if they were invited to be there or not. The Trebles didn’t take kindly to them being there, and the lead of the group, Bumper was immediately confrontational. When Fat Amy and Jesse went to try and ease tension, the situation blew up into a full blown fight. Beca Was just trying to talk Fat Amy down from the altercation (and out of a full blown assault). She grabbed the trophy from Fat Amy’s hand before she could use it as a weapon, but as it slipped from Fat Amy’s grasp a piece of it went flying and smashed the tall window at the doorway of the room. Beca was left holding the other half. 

She wasn’t exactly sure how it happened, but a police officer was suddenly there and taking her away from the scene. Beca was both incredulous and scared. It had been an accident; surely it wasn’t necessary for them to take her to jail over it. 

Later, after spending hours in a holding cell with several very intoxicated people, Beca was called out and released into a lobby, Chloe’s concerned smile the first thing she saw. 

“Finally you’re out. It took them forever to release you” The two walked to Chloe’s car and started the drive back to Barden. 

Beca was sheepish. “You didn’t have to bail me out you know” She said quietly.

“I would have, but they ended up just releasing you to come back later for court. They should have told you this.” Chloe said resolutely, her eyes occasionally glancing from the road to Beca in the passenger seat. “But I had to wait for you.I couldn’t let you spend the night in jail. Not... Not knowing...it’s not safe.”

Now Chloe was the one who looked sheepish. Admitting to knowing Beca was trans was also admitting that she had looked at Beca that day in the showers.

“You can say it you know. I’m not hiding that I'm trans.” Beca managed a reassuring smile before saying “Thanks though.”

“Was it awful?” Chloe asked softly

“It was okay.” Beca started “they put me in a holding cell with some others. Men and women both. Mostly just drunks. Nobody bothered me.” 

Chloe just hummed to let Beca know she was listening and kept her eyes on the road. 

“The worst part was not knowing what would happen. They didn’t tell me anything and I was so worried they were going to keep me and about where they would put me. They’re not the best communicators”

“Apparently not” Chloe agreed “I’m just glad you’re okay”

“Thanks”

They spent the rest of the car ride in comfortable silence. There wasn’t anything that needed to be said. Chloe drove Beca to her dorm.

“Let me walk you up” Chloe said. And she did.

At the door Chloe took both Beca’s hands in hers as she spoke. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she said. Her eyes were clear and her gaze unwavering. 

“It wasn’t that bad” Beca excused, but Chloe didn’t look convinced.

“Still” Chloe urged squeezing Beca’s hands. 

Chloe swung their hands from side to side and pulled Beca in for a soft lingering hug. It stole the breath from Beca, but she relaxed into it. It was warm and fond and just what she needed.


	15. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An emergency Bellas meeting and a heart to heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters will be updating much quicker now since I've finally got the chapters at the end that I previously wrote. I'll still be doing some editing but the story is probably 80% written as it goes right now. Enjoy!

Beca awoke to an incessant jingle from her phone, letting her know she had received not one, but five consecutive texts. The sun’s warmth was streaming into the room creating a warm spot on Beca’s pillow. Jesse was still breathing deep and even across the room. Beca rolled on her back and tucked the covers under her head, making a tent with her knees. This was the in between time she created for herself; the day hadn’t really started yet and she was still cozy in bed, waking up and adjusting to the light. Her phone made another series of alerts and with a huff she pulled it under the covers to read the incoming texts. 

Group Message(Aubrey, Chloe,5023219089, 4317863322, Fat Amy, CR, 4024339489...)

Aubrey(7:00am):Good Morning Bellas. Come to the practice space for an urgent meeting this morning at 9. 

Aubrey(7:01am):That’s 9am Sharp!  
Chloe(7:01am): good morning :)  
Chloe(7:01am):I’ll be there  
5023219089(7:02am):Really?! So early!? OK  
4317863322(7:02am):K  
Fat Amy(7:05am): see you later bitches

Ahh. It would be Aubrey to send a 7am group text the day after a competition, to alert them of a 9am meeting. Just as she was clean cut and diligent, Aubrey was unmistakably a morning person. Beca sent off the reply that she would be there, set her alarm for 8:30, and rolled back over to get a little more sleep. 

When her alarm went off again, Jesse was bustling about in the room.

“You’re up early” he commented as Beca swung her legs over the bed and rummaged through her dresser drawer.

“Emergency Bellas meeting” Beca mumbled in explanation. Jesse nodded and busied himself with his morning tasks as Beca changed into jeans and a daytime t-shirt. 

“Good Luck!” Jesse called as Beca headed out the door

The walk to their practice spot was chilly but pleasant. Beca wondered what the meeting would be about, if there was anything new to go over or if they would finally be able to learn and practice new music. She didn’t have a lot of hope. Beca entered and picked a seat next to Chloe as usual. 

“Alright ladies, the semi-finals are serious business and we will need to pull together and work hard to make it through to the finals.” Aubrey began.

No one interrupted, so Aubrey continued. “This means sticking to an increased practice schedule and really fine tuning our songs. This means no time for parties or boyfriends — or partners, sorry Cynthia Rose.” there were some winces at the comment both at Cynthia Rose being called out in front of the group as well as, at least from Beca, the assumption that CR was the only one of the Bellas who wasn’t straight. 

“This means we’re not changing the set list at all? Shouldn’t we use a new set list for this new round of the competition?” Beca said, frustrated

“I don’t want to hear it Beca “ Aubrey quipped. “We’re trying to get to the finals and these songs will get us there. We’ll sing the set list as planned.”

Beca simply pursed her lips and sighed. This was going to be a long several weeks. 

*****  
Beca caught Cynthia Rose’s eye after practice and hung back until it was just the two of them walking from practice hall. 

“Do you have class” Beca questioned 

“Not till 3. Want to grab coffee?” 

“Yeah, sure” Beca hadn’t really spent a lot of time with CR besides practice but they were friendly. Maybe with getting together for coffee she could get some insight and advice about her sexuality. She didn’t have many friends she felt comfortable talking about it with yet. 

When they arrived at the campus table Beca found a table pointedly ignoring her and Chloe’s usual booth. That booth felt sacred. Chloe’s and her space alone. Beca settled for a house drip with sugar while Cynthia Rose got some latte thing. Beca wasn’t paying much attention to the coffee itself, it was just a distraction from her nerves and an excuse to spend time with CR. When they were both sitting, eyeing the other, Beca hesitated and then surged forward into the conversation nervously.

“I didn’t like how Aubrey did that. Singled you out” Beca looked down at her mug.  
“You don’t have to be offended on my behalf”

“You were okay with that?” Beca questioned.

“I didn’t like it either but I can take care of myself”

“I’m not offended on your behalf I’m just-” Beca didn’t know what to say. 

“Your just...?” Cynthia Rose asked

“Bi. Maybe. I don’t know.” 

“Ahh” Cynthia rose nodded.

“Yeah” Beca mumbled

“Why do you think your Bi?” She asked thoughtfully

“I just. Well. There’s a girl. A woman-”

“I see” CR said sipping her latte

“Yeah” Beca picked at the hem of her shirt.

“So you just think you’re Bi. You don’t know?”

“Well. it just seems so early to know. It’s only ever been her and in the shower— being ... well aroused.” Beca swallowed the word down “Surly that’s just a natural response to seeing another naked person. It doesn’t prove anything”

“That’s not really how being straight works Beca” Cynthia Rose chuckled

Beca put her face in her hands “don’t laugh at me” she groaned.

“Sorry” Cynthia Rose quickly corrected “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just, straight women aren’t aroused by other women at all. It’s not just a common reaction to seeing a naked body, You’re attracted to her. If you’re into men too then that makes you bi or pan. It means you aren’t straight for sure.”

“Oh” Beca said meekly

“It’s not a big deal, but it’s okay if it feels overwhelming” CR placated. 

It felt like a big deal. It felt life changing. Beca’s whole world view was shifting to adjust to the new information she had about herself. She was bi. She liked Chloe, she was attracted to Chloe. She swallowed, not knowing what to say. 

“When are you going to tell her?” CR asked gently

“Tell her? That would ruin everything. It doesn’t matter. She’s probably straight anyways and--”

“She isn’t” CR said smiling

“What do you mean she isn’t? You don’t even know who—”

“It’s Chloe, obviously.” Beca huffed. “And she isn’t straight, she’s pansexual”

Beca felt dizzy. Her head was swimming. Chloe isn’t straight. She didn’t know what to think. Still, Beca knew Chloe wouldn’t be interested in her because she’s trans. 

“You should tell her” Cynthia Rose urged, pulling Beca from her thoughts . “She’s obviously crazy about you”

“She’s just like that CR. Chloe loves everybody.” Beca said dejected

“Not like that she doesn’t” 

Beca snorted and shook her head. There was no way she was telling Chloe. It would ruin the closest friendship of her life. “Chloe is my best friend, I can’t risk it.” Beca said dejectedly.

“At least think about it, look for the signs or something” CR urged

“Alright, I guess” Beca said, and then quickly followed up with “don’t tell any of the other Bellas okay?” 

“Of course Beca, that’s your business to share when you’re ready.” 

Beca sighed and her heart slowed a bit. CR was a good friend. 

“We should do this more often” Beca looked up at CR. 

“Yeah, sure” CR responded smiling 

The pair sipped the rest of their coffees in amiable silence. 

“Now I do have to get to class” Cynthia rose said looking at her phone.  
“See you later” Beca smiled “And thanks”

“No problem” CR said, walking out of the coffee shop.

Beca felt light and free. She was bi. It was new but it felt right.


	16. See you Monday

The Semifinals stink.

Beca didn’t start with high hopes to begin with. Singing the same boring set for every competition? Beca doesn’t think that will get them anywhere. Another competing team The Footnotes go on before them and the whole of the Bellas group is on edge. There is no way that the Bellas will be able to beat the Footnotes. They are smooth and in control and engaging. The Footnotes have upbeat dance moves and popular music and they dazzle the audience. 

Aubrey tries to reassure them that they only need to beat the Footnotes or The Trebles, but it is obvious in the other women’s attitude that they don’t believe her. They haven’t been able to beat the Trebles all season, and the Footnotes are just as good if not better. 

When the Bellas go on and the judges start to nod off a quarter into the setlist, something inside Beca snaps. She starts singing Bulletproof, layering in a counter harmony and combining the two songs seamlessly while she does the stale choreography. A few of the Bellas are obviously startled, and flub some moves but bounce back quickly. The song changes and Beca is right there layering in another to add interest and drama to the performance. She doesn’t think about the backlash yet. 

As they exit the stage, Aubrey stomps and huffs. 

“Seriously Beca!? What was that? Were you trying to screw us up?”

“What?! You can’t be serious! The judges and all but dozed off by that point. We needed something to make them take notice!” Beca said forcefully, tired of always rubbing against Aubrey’s control issues.

“What did you guys think about Beca’s little improvisation huh?” Aubrey looked to the rest of the group

“It did take us a bit by surprise but it was really cool” Fat Amy Said

“Yeah a lot by surprise!” Aubrey all but shouts, bringing the attention back into the negative 

“Aubrey, maybe Beca has a point—” Chloe pleads  
“Just stop Chloe! You don’t have to pretend you’ve actually got a say in the group!” She snaps at Chloe and then turns back to Aubrey. “If this is what I get for trying then I quit!” And with that Beca storms off as Chloe calls out to her, trying to get her attention one last time. 

When the score is announced and the Footnotes and the trebles take the first two spots probably no one is really surprised. Beca gets a ride back to campus with a mom of one of the Trebles, and no one tries to stop her. 

******

Chloe is in the surgery recovery room after the surgery to remove her vocal nodules when she gets the text from Aubrey that the Footnotes Have been disqualified. She doesn’t have the heart to be disappointed that she didn’t wait for the surgery. She is purely excited and slams her hands down on the tray table to get her mom’s attention. They are going to Nationals again! After showing the message to her mom, the first person she wants to talk to is Beca, so she sends a quick text.

Chloe: Bec! We did It! We’re going to Nationals afterall!

When then next day Beca still hasn’t responded it is a blow to her heart. 

Beca’s spring break is quiet. Luke from the radio station asks her to take the night shift over the break so she spends the nights in the sound booth alone and the days asleep. Jesse tries to bring her snacks sometimes, but he also tries to convince her that she should make up with Aubrey and the rest of the Bellas and she doesn’t want to hear it and bites his head off about it until he stops trying and leaves her alone each night in the booth. When she gets the text from Chloe she is pulled in two different directions. Not sure what to say she leaves it on read for a few days. Finally Beca texts back.

Beca: Way to go Chlo, excited for you  
Chloe: Don’t u mean excited for us?  
Chloe: Meeting at the usual spot on Monday, 9am

When Beca gets Chloe’s reply back, she’s at a loss for how to respond, She doesn’t want to disappoint her, but Beca is done following orders from over-controlling Aubrey. This time she doesn’t reply.   
******

Beca didn’t know why she was standing at her father’s door. Okay, so she did but she was unconvinced that it would change anything. She needed advice about what to do about the Bellas. How could she let Chloe down easy? Mostly she had missed her mom and the friendly advice she would give when Beca was having a hard day; her warm hugs, and the sound of her singing gently under her breath as she went about her busy work.

Being without her was hard, and made harder by the fact that she didn’t really know anyone else in Atlanta aside from her dad, and the Bellas from which she recently fled. And then there was Chloe: By all accounts her best friend, but Chloe hadn’t been answering her calls all break. And then suddenly a text out of the blue that the Bellas were back in the Nationals? Did that mean Chloe forgave her for leaving when she didn’t get her way? It was all a lot to handle. Could she go back? Would they take her back? Would this damage her and Chloe’s relationship? Was any chance of romance doomed before it had the chance thanks to Beca’s pride and impulsivity? As she seriously thought about simply turning around and taking the bus back to her dorm, Her dad answered the door.

It’s not that Beca hated her dad. He wasn’t awful but sometimes he was kind of an asshole. As a kid she and him were close. They played and roughhoused together, went on outings just the two of them, but as she got older and realized she was a girl, that changed. She withdrew, scared that letting her dad in to know her true self would disappoint him and change their relationship. It did, but her withdrawal made it worse. 

In the beginning it was rough. He tried to be supportive, and he didn’t disown her like she feared he might, but he misgendered her a lot, and it took him a long time to call her Beca. Even now he mostly didn’t, opting for Bec instead. She had gotten used to the nickname. It was better than her birth name. 

As the water heated for their tea, Beca tried to talk through the internal conflict she was having. They hadn’t had tea together like this for years. Not since the divorce. Not since she had been her dad’s “little buddy”. 

“No one was more surprised than me but I really liked those girls” Beca said candidly.

“And you thought quitting was the answer” her dad interjected. 

“Seriously? You can say that to me?“ Beca was a bit scandalized. 

“Oh come on Beck, that is so unfair. Your mom and I, we didn’t work. I tried so hard to make things right between us. We were better as friends. When she died you just shut me out.” 

“I shut everyone out, don’t take it personally. It’s just easier” Beca spoke towards the bottom of her mug of tea. The rich amber brown was the color of the freckles scattered across the bridge of Chloe’s nose and on her shoulders - like when she wore her favorite blue dress on the first day they met at the activities fair on the quad, or in the shower after the redhead interrupted her to sing their first duet.

“It’s also really lonely” Her dad sighed, bringing her temporarily  
out of her thoughts.

Beca was starting to feel guilty. Her dad really did care about her; he  
was trying to be supportive of her and her dreams (in his own way) and had come  
a long way since she first started to transition. She could tell the distance between them was weighing on him. He still had a ways to go, but they were more alike than she felt like acknowledging at the moment.

And more she had shut out some of her other biggest supporters; she had completely shrugged off Jesse when she didn’t like what he had to say. She could really use a friend. She missed him.

“So what do I do?” She questioned. She was starting to miss Chloe,  
Cynthia Rose, Stacy, and even Aubrey a little if she was honest. She loved her job  
at the radio station, loved working on her mixes, but something was missing.

“That’s up to you” he smiled gently.

When she had showed up on his porch earlier out of the blue, she  
hadn’t known what to expect. Mostly she just wanted something familiar.   
“Beca, I know things haven’t always been easy between us but I am glad you came” Her dad said gently. “Thank you for giving me so many chances.”

“Dad...” Beca Started to interrupt but her dad kept going

“Really Beca, I’m lucky you’re my daughter.” He pressed on “I love you.”

She didn’t know what to expect when she showed up at her dad’s house, but this wasn’t it. She actually felt better. And now she knew just what to do. Pulling out her phone she replied to Chloe’s text.

Beca: See you Monday


	17. Returning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unlike the movie, nobody gets assaulted in this chapter. That's a lazy and harmful homophobic stereotype and we won't have that here.

When Beca walked into the quiet and empty dorm she shared with Jesse she was disappointed. She had planned to come back and apologize but he wasn’t here to talk. Beca busied herself with a new mix and waited for him to return. By nightfall he still wasn’t home and she was beginning to get a little worried. Wondering where he was, she crawled into bed for the night. Tomorrow was Monday. She would need the rest. 

******

Beca was running late. She forgot to reset her alarm from the night shift and she had to run to get to the Bellas practice space. When she pushed open the door it was 9:05am. The room was utter chaos. The smell of vomit was thick in the air and a huge puddle of it spread across the cement floor. Lilly lay in the puddle, making a snow angel in the mess. Fat Amy, Chloe and Aubrey were on the floor dangerously close to the puddle, wrestling over the official Bellas pitch pipe. The rest of the girls looked on in horror at the scene. Stacy blew her official BU rape whistle in a feble attempt to get the wrestling to stop.

“Guys! Guys, what is going on here?!”

“Leave Beca. This is a Bellas rehersal.” Aubrey commanded, standing and brushing the dust from the floor off herself.

Beca took a deep breath gingerly stepping towards her former teammates.

“I know, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” She spoke “What I did was a dick move. I did what I wanted and didn’t think how it would affect everybody else. I shouldn’t have stormed off, and Chloe, I owe you an apology too. You didn’t do anything wrong and I took my anger out on you. I’m sorry.”

Beca wasn’t used to being this vulnerable. Her eyes shifted around the room, not focusing much on the bellas themselves. She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. 

Aubrey gazed on blankly while Chloe looked between her and Beca. There was a sympathetic smile on Chloe’s face and her eyes were shining with something that  
looked like pride. Beca looked up into Aubrey’s eyes and took a deep breath, fortifying herself. 

“ I want back in, If you’ll have me” Beca spoke again.

When Aubrey looked on at the scene unphased, Beca turned to exit the gymnasium. At the last second she took a metal chair from the small cluster and began to  
drag it noisily towards the door.

She felt desperation welling in her chest as she looked on the  
group and waited, quickly approaching the door to the outside. She did want  
back in, but now it was on Aubrey to make her decision as Capitan.

“Wait” Aubrey spoke, just as Beca turned to walk out the door.

“Thank you,” Beca breathed in relief as she returned to her Bellas. “that would have been embarrassing” She added, her usual sarcastic self returning.

“I know that I have been hard on everyone here,” Aubrey started “but I am my father’s daughter and he always said if at first you don’t succeed pack your bags”

At that the group was a little stunned. Chloe muttered to Fat Amy some reassurances that indeed Aubrey’s father was that harsh. 

Beca blanched. “I get it. At least kind of. I have a complicated relationship with my dad too. Not like that but... I guess I don’t really know that much about each other. About most of you really” She added.

“I’ll confess something that none of you know about me” Stacie piped up  
“ I have a lot of sex” She finished. The group murmured. Stacie didn’t hide her escapades by any means, she wasn’t ashamed. 

“This is a good idea, that was not a great example but this is a good idea” Beca responded. “Why don’t we all go around the room and we can all say something about ourselves that nobody else knows.” 

“Let’s go somewhere else though? It stinks in here!” Fat Amy was usually the one to state the hard facts, this time was no exception. 

“The Bella House?” Chloe suggested, looking to Aubrey. Aubrey nodded once and walked towards the door. Everyone else followed, quietly. 

“I’m proud of you” Chloe whispered to Beca, coming alongside her.

“Oh. thanks” Beca said, blushing

“I know it was hard for you to come back, and I appreciate the apology but wasn’t upset anymore” Chloe still had a smile on her face but it was softer now.  
“You don’t deserve to be treated like that though” Beca urged

“Thanks,” Chloe said simply. 

When they got to the Bella house, everybody filed in. They made a makeshift circle in the living room out of the couch, chairs and pillows on the floor. The room was quiet, a feat with 8 women in it. 

“I said my bit, now it’s your turn” Stacy finally said, breaking the silence.

They took turns going around the circle, and somewhere along the line someone brought out some lemonade and an open bottle of vodka from the kitchen. Beca felt a little better. People were really taking this idea to heart and sharing deeply personal things. She still wasn’t sure about what she would share, but her turn was approaching again quickly. She decided to go with simple first. 

“‘I’ve never had a lot of friends, especially friends who were girls, but I do now.” She felt warm all over. Chloe was beaming at her. “So that’s me. Someone else please go.” She brushed the attention away. Chloe’s eyes were still on her. Beca flushed, feeling warm from Chloe’s gaze. 

Cynthia Rose came out about her gambling addiction (and her ex-girlfriend) and Chloe told the group about having surgery to remove her nodes. Fat Amy told the group about her name legally being Fat Patricia. Aubrey shared that she had a crush on a Treble (but refused to say which one), Stacie shared her ambition to become a doctor, and then in a flash it was Beca’s turn again. 

“I’m bi, I just figured it out” Beca blurted

“Congratulations!” Cynthia Rose smiled knowingly 

“Aws” said Chloe

“Twice the fun!” said Stacy

Jessica and Ashley said “Good for you!” and Aubrey smiled. 

Fat Amy exclaimed “Statistically unexpected but alright by me.”

Beca felt relieved and happy. She knew herself and her friends loved her and accepted her. 

After another way around the circle the truth telling devolved into casual conversation. What must have been at least an hour later the commotion was broken by the sound of the pitch pipe loud and clear. All eyes landed on Aubrey as the lowered the pitch pipe from her lips and began to address the group. 

“Bellas, we have a competition to plan for and as a captain it is my responsibility to lead us to victory.” Aubrey turned her eyes to Beca. “Beca, what do we do about the finals?” 

When Aubrey threw Beca the pitch pipe, she passed the leadership of the group onto the other Bella. 

“Let’s reconvene at 7:30. The pool will make a good spot since our usual practice room could use some time to air out. “ Beca felt confident, and the impromptu party continued throughout the afternoon.


	18. Sleepover

The walk to the pool where they had their first riff-off was chilly for spring. It was starting to get dark out and the wind was blowing gently. Beca could see the hair on Chloe’s arms start to rise next to her own barely tanner skin as they walked side by side, the chatter from the other girls rising around them, fireflies lighting up every few feet in the new spring grass. The night was perfect. The women felt a new closeness. Beca was feeling tingly with the excitement of taking the Bellas in a new direction, as well as walking close to Chloe, their hands brushing every few paces. 

The last few months were an amazing adventure. She didn’t imagine getting close to this group of women, having a close knit group like this. And Chloe. She never figured that meeting Chloe would have progressed past the quad, or the Shower. 

Oh the Shower. That day filled her with both dread and then excitement as Chloe heard and then saw her there and didn’t recoil in disgust. The idea that Chloe might actually find her beautiful? Breathtaking. That Chloe was drawn to her voice even though it was a bit deeper than some of the other girls filled Beca with a subtle confidence that convinced her to audition for the Bellas despite her insecurities. And of course, there was the redhead’s stunning beauty and radiating confidence as she approached Beca in the shower. Months later and Beca still sometimes woke from sleep sweaty and wanting. Thinking of some of the other possibilities of that shower that only her dreams would allow.   
Beca flushed and bit her lip thinking about those dreams in such proximity to Chloe now, and their hands brushed again.

“Dude, are you trying to hold my hand?” Beca blurted, not thinking. The outburst garnered a few looks from the other women. 

Internally she face-palmed. Why did she do that? A little rude, and certainly not very smooth. Really, she was trying to be a little less closed off, a little less abrasive, but it didn’t seem to be working very well. Thankfully she could see the pool now; she didn’t have to wait long for a distraction. Taking her out of her thoughts was the briefest squeeze of her hand.   
The redhead’s hand was warm against the cool air and her own clammy one. She was so caught up that she almost missed it. Except she never could have missed it. Chloe Beale was holding her hand. Not for rehearsal, not to guide her hands through the proper gestures and placement of new choreography, not the subtle brush of fingers as they passed her a pen or her bathrobe or a bottle of water, but actually holding her hand. 

And just like that, it was over. Aubrey cleared her throat and the women circled up facing a stunned and flushing Beca

“Alright, let’s remix this business,” Beca stuttered out, “Aubrey would you pick a song for us please.”

“Bruno Mars, Just the Way You Are” Aubrey nodded affirmingly, looking briefly to Chloe. 

“Okay, Umm” Beca said surprised “Chloe are you okay to take the lead?” 

Chloe nodded and smiled.

Beca was dizzy as she moved her hands along to the beat of the song, subtly conducting and keeping time. The women’s voices rose and blended together harmoniously. And Chloe started to sing. And she was singing, it felt like, only to her. Beca imagined Chloe singing about her eyes, and her hair and for that moment it felt true. Chloe’s eyes found Beca’s. The two of them were smiling, Beca a bit shyly, but their eyes didn’t leave each other's.   
Of course it was ludicrous to imagine that Chloe really was serenading her with this love song. They were friends. They were just good friends. And Aubrey picked the song and then Beca picked Chloe to sing it. And sure Beca had feelings for the other girl, but that didn’t mean things were going to change. With a sigh she launched into the verse of Just a Dream.

“I was thinking ‘bout her, thinkin ‘bout me, thinkin ‘bout us what we gonna be” She sang “Open my eyes it was only just a dream.”

And it certainly was dreamy. And she dreamed of what they could be often. As the sound of the two songs collided and their voices radiated up into the night Beca couldn’t keep her eyes off Chloe. In that moment, her eyes were the bluest blue she had seen. 

When the song was finished and the reverberation of their voices stopped, it seemed like everyone was smiling. Beca felt the rush of pride accompanied by the same dizzy haze she felt earlier. It seemed like they were all in sync. Beca felt on top of the world. She could lead this group to do amazing things at the ICCA’s. Her work would pay off and she would keep getting to do what she loved. She wasn’t thinking about LA. She felt unstoppable there at that moment. 

“Hands in” Aubrey smiled. And for the first time as a team they sang out in unison on three and walked arm in arm back to their dorms. 

The women separated slowly as they walked through campus, A few going this way and a couple heading another until only Chloe and Beca remained walking together. Campus was still quite lively in the early night, lights lit up the quad and the wind blew pleasant in the early spring humidity. The two were on a high after the successful practice. Today had been a long hard day for both of the women; for Beca a humbling apology followed by a successful Bellas rehearsal where she took the lead. For Chloe the day was filled with standing up to her longest friend Aubrey, a dramatic and over-stimulating fight followed by a nerve-wrecking reveal of her surgery. 

Beca’s mind was racing. She was thinking about the way her shoulder was pressed against Chloe’s and the way their two arms rested gently one on top of the other. She had to concentrate to remember to walk one foot in front of the other. Beca was thinking about songs she had mixed and ways to splice them further to make arrangements for the upcoming ICCA Finals. She was fighting to remember to breathe with Chloe so close. Her thoughts were further clouded with their recently finished practice and all the things she could have said during the heart to heart with her team, all the things she was still too shy to say. The words her dad had impressed on her seemed simple. It was all up to her now.

As the two walked through the quad, still arm in arm, they passed the arched gateway that marked the entrance to the university and Chloe sighed. Beca made a motion to try and get the other to continue with her thought but she didn’t need to. 

“I still remember the first day I walked through that arch” she breathed. “it was warmer than this, sunny, and I felt so small and lost, not knowing what would happen and what I wanted.”

“What about now, how do you feel now?”

“Scared” Chloe uttered. “I still feel small and lost and scared.I am not ready for it to be over.”

“I’m not ready either” Said Beca, if she was honest, a little selfishly. She wasn’t ready for Chloe to be graduating, for her to be back in Tampa or across town, or across the country with herself in L.A. But only one of those things she could really control.

“What about L.A?”

“ L.A will still be there after I graduate.” Beca said, a little wistfully. She knew this was the right decision. It was the decision she wanted most;and yet she still wanted with everything to go and adventure and get away. She wanted to run. She wanted to run from what was expected, and what was hard. She wanted to run from her feelings and facing her fears and letting others get close, but she wouldn’t.

“I’m not leaving yet either..” Chloe confessed

“What?”

“I’m not leaving yet either. I failed Russian Lit. I’m not graduating this semester.” Chloe repeated

“Chloe. Russian Lit is only taught in the Spring. You’ll have to stay an entire year ”

“I know, but this way I can stay and sing with the Bellas still”

“True”

“Beca you’re the bravest person I know,” said Chloe, awestruck.

“Psssh” scoffed Beca, But Chloe wasn’t finished

“You stand up for what you think is right and you put yourself out there and you’re not running. ” Chloe said “You probably had to fight really hard to just be who you are and here I am not even standing up with my best friend about the Bellas; too scared to graduate and biding my time”

“Chloe...” Beca started but Chloe interrupted.

“Beca, Stay with me?” Chloe pleaded “I’ve gotta call my mom tomorrow and tell her about graduation. I’m pretty nervous.”

Beca wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do to help, but she found herself walking back towards the Bella House and ushered into the older woman’s bedroom. Before she could come up with another excuse to deny the redhead and save a little bit of her sanity she was catching a pair of Chloe’s pajama pants and a T-shirt.  
As the two settled into Chloe’s bed Beca internally panicked. Chloe’s bed was equally as small as hers, and she wasn’t used to sharing that bed with anyone else. There was no way for them to lay without their bodies touching and Chloe had an arm under her neck. Beca had an arm over Chloe’s waist. She hadn’t had one of her shower dreams in months, but leave it to fate for her to moan Chloe’s name in her sleep or wake with her breath hot and heavy on Chloe’s neck, as it was now. Sure they were close, but they hadn’t actually ever done this before. They had never slept in the same bed, or cuddled for that matter, but here they were.

Beca’s mind raced with her pulse.But Chloe was nervous and wanted comfort and Beca was going to try and give her the comfort that she needed. She could put aside her nerves to take care of Chloe. 

“Tell me a story?” Chloe asked, sleepily nuzzling further into Beca’s hair.

Beca still didn’t quite know what she was doing, but whatever it was, it seemed to be helping since Chloe was very quickly drifting off to sleep. Beca only just started telling Chloe a story of when she had first started to get into music when Chloe began to snore lightly.


	19. The Morning After

When Beca woke Chloe was already on the phone with her mom. She rolled over on the bed and gently rubbed Chloe’s back as she talked. Chloe smiled over her shoulder but Beca could tell it was a bit forced. The conversation didn’t drag on much longer after Beca woke. She suspected from what she knew that Chloe’s parents were pretty honest about their disapproval, but not mean. Chloe was always very free with her emotions, and Beca expected she had a big example in her parents. As Chloe got off the phone she sniffled a bit, and breathed a sigh that seemed relieved.

“Well that’s over” Chloe breathed

“How did it go?”

“They apparently had a big graduation thing planned for me back home” Chloe nervously twirled some of her hair “so they’re canceling that.” 

“Yikes dude”

“Other than that, about what I expected. They were disappointed but not harsh. Still, It stings a little bit.” Chloe looked down and it was all Beca could do not to tear up a little. Looking into Chloe’s big blue eyes, she could see that disappointment welling. “Maybe I made a stupid decision, but I don’t think I regret it.” Chloe said, trying to be resolute. 

“Are you planning on going home for the summer?” Beca asked

“I think I will visit, sure. But Atlanta sorta feels more like home now. That and I got a gig with the children’s theater for the summer so I’m going to be busy here”

Beca nodded smiling, and still rubbing Chloe’s back came to rest her hand on the other girl’s shoulder. Chloe made a hum of approval at the contact and Beca was struck that she had never been this brazen with her affection for Chloe before. Chloe was always the one to initiate contact- a squeeze of the shoulder, a big boisterous hug, leaning her forehead into Beca’s when she shared a drunken confession with the younger woman. Beca was a little worried about being too bold but decided to just keep going with it, moving Chloe’s hair to stroke the back of her neck. She was rewarded with another satisfied hum.

Beca felt like maybe this was the right time to talk to the other about her feelings, but she didn’t know where to start. 

“Chlo?”

“Hmm?” Chloe turned her head to look at Beca behind her.

“I-” Beca started. “Can I kiss your neck? I mean uh. here. That’s not.-” 

Beca did not anticipate this outburst. She had intended to talk about her feelings rationally, letting Chloe know how she felt and giving her time to think and respond. She had not intended to blurt out the first thing that came to mind, especially kissing Chloe’s neck. She hadn’t even meant it in a sexual way, she just longed for that closeness still with her. The night had left her brain foggy apparently, with thoughts that this newfound closeness meant she could just ask to kiss Chloe wherever and have that be okay. And now here she was sitting in Chloe’s clothes, on her bed, asking to kiss her neck like it was the most normal thing in the world. This could not be happening. 

CHloe didn’t have time to answer Beca’s odd request. There was a knock at the door. And Beca immediately scrambled to get up and get home before she made any more of a fool of herself. 

“Chloe!” Aubrey’s voice was unmistakably shrill through the door. While Chloe answered the door Beca busied herself gathering her clothes from the floor. 

Aubrey looked on in astonishment through the crack in the door. Beca gathering clothes in the background and Chloe peering through the door to talk to her oldest friend didn’t fail to create suspicion about the pair’s activities the night before. Even though everything was totally innocent, Beca started to get flushed. What would Aubrey do or say to them? I mean she hadn’t spoken an oath about intra-team sex but she was still worried. Not that they were having sex. It had taken Aubrey almost the entire year and an impressive amount of vomit for her to warm up to Beca and tolerate her ideas.If you were to add this on what would happen? She was sure Aubrey would be the overprotective friend. Beca didn’t want to find out. 

What she did find out is that both her and Chloe were going to be late to practice if she didn’t hurry. Aubrey had made that much clear as Beca hurried out the door. She had also made it clear that she was not happy. Beca sort of understood. If she didn’t know better Beca might have assumed the same that Aubrey did. Not to mention skipping out on Bella’s practice two weeks before Nationals to have a sleepy morning in. Pretty Unacceptable. Except for the fact that none of that was true; well except that they were going to be late.


	20. Chloe's interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Just one more to go. I can't believe I'm done writing this thing. Thank you to everyone who has read and commented. I'm glad you have enjoyed it!

After the game changing Bellas practice, Chloe was feeling small. The night was mild, the stars were shining, everything went so right and Beca was right there leaning against her. Before she knew it she was opening up about not graduating and, feeling vulnerable, asking Beca to stay the night with her.   
They had never spent the night together before. Chloe was full of anxious anticipation. This was going to be so good. Spending time with Beca was always good. The anticipation almost allowed her to forget that in the morning she would have to call her parents and break the news to them. 

Crawling under the covers felt natural. She could do this everyday if Beca would have her. She relaxed easily into the warmth and smiled with satisfaction at having Beca here in her space, in her bed, in her clothes. Feeling the heat of Beca’s thighs against her own quelled the anxious anticipation rumbling in her stomach at the thought of tomorrow. Now she could relax. 

“Tell me a story?” she hummed, easily overcome with sleepiness now that she was snuggled in.

“I was always close with my mom growing up. When I was little she would sing me to sleep. Little things, folk songs and lullabies...”

Chloe was lulled to sleep by the soothing sound of Beca’s voice and the warmth of her body next to hers. Beca was slower to sleep, but eased into slumber soon after. 

The morning came too soon. Chloe’s first awareness was the warmth of Beca’s arm across her middle and their thighs slotted together. Beca’s even deep breaths were soothing, and it would have been easy to ignore the birds chirping outside and close her eyes again, but Chloe knew she had things to do. She had to get up soon, but the phone call could wait another two minutes. Chloe took her time basking in the comfortable warmth of her best friend draped across her body. If she wasn’t careful it would be easy to get caught up in it.

Chloe whispered a soft “sorry” into Beca’s sleep- mussed hair and gently moved her arms and legs to the side so she could rise. Beca hummed quietly and rolled over, still asleep. Fumbling for her phone, Chloe slipped out of the room to make the call.

She wasn’t expecting it to go well. It was so hard for her feeling like she was disappointing her parents. She just wanted to make them happy. She caught them up on her life, stalling, but the subject of her classes came up quickly. 

“The thing is Mom, I didn’t do so well in Russian literature. I’m going to have to take it again to graduate”  
Her mom’s feeble “oh” in response was enough to tell her how hard it was hitting them.

“I’m sorry Mom. I know you must be really disappointed” 

“Well Chloe, we were looking forward to having you back home with us finally” Chloe’s mom said cautiously 

Chloe just hummed in response and walked back into the bedroom, sitting gently on the bed.

“We were planning a celebration barbeque for you when you came home” Chloe’s mom explained 

“Oh Mom. I’m so sorry” Chloe choked out. A hand pressed against the small of her back and began to trace lazy circles against her skin. Chloe looked back and forced a smile at Beca before returning to the conversation.

“We’re still proud of you Chloe. There will still be plenty to celebrate when you finally come home.”

“I love you mom” Chloe said thankfully. Beca was now sitting up fully behind Chloe, tracing gentle paths on the back of her neck and shoulders as Chloe finished the conversation with her Mom.

“I’ll talk to you soon” She finished.

Limply she leaned back into Beca. At least it was over now. Beca held her weight and placed her chin on Chloe’s shoulder, still tracing shapes. It was so easy between them, and the gentle trailing touches of Beca’s fingertips on her skin made her melt. 

Beca’s breath ghosted the skin behind Chloe’s ear. “Can I kiss your neck?” Beca asked.

Chloe stopped breathing. She was simply frozen. Head swimming, she moved to look at Beca.

“I didn’t mean- I just meant...” Beca floundered. But there wasn’t time to explain. A knock at the door startled them both. Aubrey was there and they were late. 

Chloe didn’t take the time to explain to Aubrey that the two of them were just sharing a bed for moral support. Chloe hadn’t even told Aubrey yet that She wasn’t graduating. Chloe simply let Aubrey believe what she would as she watched Beca panic stricken and gathering her clothes from the night before. 

******

Chloe was somewhere else during practice. She was giddy at the moment of intimacy she shared with Beca. Giddy at the thought that Beca wanted to kiss her anywhere. She was eager to get that intimacy back. Eager to ask Beca what she had meant it like, if not like that. But she was also cautious. Beca scared easily. She didn’t talk feelings very well. No, the best thing for Chloe to do was to wait for Beca to bring it up. She could wait for Beca to initiate the next step in their relationship. She would wait. 

While Aubrey eyed Chloe suspiciously during practice, she didn’t question her either. Aubrey knew when certain things were private.


	21. Say Yes

The Bellas had a lot of work to do and not very long to do it. The ICCA’s were approaching fast, less than two weeks away now. Between Bella’s rehearsals and final exams, the whole team, but especially Beca, was keeping very busy. Beca had been dividing all her time between studying for her final exams, mixing arrangements for Nationals, and rehearsals. She barely had a minute for herself to breathe. Although mixing was usually her down time, the added stress of mixing for a National competition and making her debut as a leader of the Bellas was taking its toll. It was a lot to take in. 

Beca and Chloe were spending almost every day together, But none of it was their usual social time and none of it was the one-on-one time that Beca wanted. Although they were surrounded by the Bellas nearly every moment, Beca wasn’t complaining; sure, she wanted to talk to Chloe more, she craved the easy intimacy of their night together, but it seemed like before a national competition was an inopportune time to radically change the dynamic of two of the group members, so she waited. She wasn’t sure how things would change exactly, but their relationship felt like it was on the precipice of something more— something different. If they were alone together again like before, things would be a bit awkward she was sure. That was the last thing she wanted right before the team was set to perform on the national stage.

******

After deciding to incorporate “Don’t you forget about me” into the set list, Beca knew she needed to talk to Jesse and resolve things with him. They had fought. Really she had yelled at him and pushed him away and there was definitely air to clear between the two. Beca wasn’t going to ruin a perfectly good friendship for a bit of awkward feelings. She had seen him in passing a few times since she had taken charge with the Bellas, but the elephant of their spring break arguments lingered. Beca came home after a long practice at a time she knew Jesse would be home. She opened the door and stood in the doorway.

“What’s up?” Jesse said, puzzled that she hadn’t entered the room yet

“Hey, I know last time we talked I left things in a bad place ” Jesse was listening. “I know that I push people away. It’s because i’m not used to having people care about me.”

“Why don’t you come inside and sit? You do live here” Jesse invited laughing.

Beca came into the room and saw the telltale signs of a movie being watched. Jesse’s bed was rumpled and the lights were low. Popcorn was in a bowl and his laptop was open with the playback paused. They sat on the futon. 

“Jesse I’m sorry I was a dick” Beca said “Having a hard time trusting people isn’t something I want to use as an excuse to hurt the people who care about me. I know that. I talked to my dad, got some good advice” 

“I’m glad you get it” Jesse said fondly

“And I watched The Breakfast Club” Beca finished. 

“I forgive you. What did you think about The Breakfast Club?” Jesse asked

“You were right. Endings are the best part. And that song is iconic.” Beca grinned, glad that the hard part was over. 

Beca knew she shouldn’t tell Jesse about the Bella’s set list for nationals, even though she trusted him. But she could tell him about the change at least. He was surprised and happy that Aubrey loosened the reins enough to let Beca take some initiative. Beca had around two hours between Bellas practice that morning and her philosophy final in the late afternoon, so the two got lunch in the dining hall and caught up.   
******

“So then like an idiot I ask her if I can kiss her neck!”

“Oh Beca”

“I know. And then Aubrey knocks on the door and there I am hurriedly picking up my clothes off the floor of Chloe’s bedroom like I was ready to do the walk of shame after a one night stand.” 

“God have you talked about it?”

“What? no. I can’t! Nationals are around the corner! Besides what am I going to say? The line of your neck is so breathtaking and I got caught up in you and I know I said it wasn’t like that but also it is like that and either way I do want to kiss your neck.” 

“No. but you could just ask to kiss her again you know. Or on a date? You know, COMMUNICATE?”

“It’s not the time for that Jesse! This is the time to focus and not change anything in the group.”

“If you say so, but you gotta tell her after then. What’s your plan?” he asked

“I don’t- I don’t know that I will” She stammered.

“You should. It’s meant to be.” He urged

Beca scoffed at that, but smiled at him and rolled her eyes.

“I probably will after nationals. I’m sure it will come up again where I put my foot in my mouth”

“You’ll figure it out” Jesse advised gently  
******

The day of nationals Beca was furiously nervous. She had created a setlist she hoped would win a place as National Champions. She thought back over the past year and how much her life had changed. Coming into Barden she was here to get in and get to LA. She was cool and detached, not letting anyone get close; She had her music and that’s all she needed. 

It all changed when she met the gorgeous redhead she had come to love. When Chloe approached her on the quad to audition for the Bella’s, when she approached her in the shower, and when her dad stipulated that she join a club, that changed everything. She remembered the day she auditioned, how nervous she was sitting on the stage, her eyes on Chloe all the way through as if it were a serenade. Chloe had stood up to Aubrey, her longest friend, for her, a girl she didn’t know that well; she stood up for her over and over again throughout the year. It was nice to have someone believe in her passion and her skill.

As they waited Beca got caught up reminiscing in her first year of college: All the good times she and Jesse had laughing together, Time spent mixing on the grass, The riff off and all the Aca-parties, Learning to love movies with Jesse, Chloe getting her out of jail, and singing with the Bellas all the time. Beca thought through her time with the Bella’s, She had really grown to love all of them. She was glad she made the decision to stay on at Barden and compete again with the Bella’s, however they placed in this competition. Of course she wanted them to win, but the relationships would stay regardless and that mattered more. She couldn’t imagine thinking it would turn out this way eight months ago. She had changed. She owed it to Jesse, and Chloe, the Bellas, her dad; and to herself. 

Beca saw Jesse out of the corner of her eye in the wing as he readied himself. 

“Hey” he said

“Good luck”

“Thanks, you too” He beamed at her. Beca’s stomach did a little flip at what a big deal today would be. She smiled nervously.

Beca smiled as she watched the Treblemakers perform their set. It was great to see people she cared about like Benji and Jesse doing something they loved. 

“I love you awesome nerds” She said to her group of friends as they waited a few more minutes in the wing. 

“Yeah you guys are the best.” Fat Amy echoed. “Even though some of you are pretty thin, I think you all have fat hearts and that’s what matters” The women just smiled at each other. Beca met Chloe’s eyes from across the circle.   
“Okay, let’s just smash this” Fat Amy said as the announcer bellowed out their introduction and they all filed out and got in their starting formation. 

Beca blew into the pitch pipe and that was it. 

She could see Chloe’s hair shining ahead of her, although she tried not to focus on the other woman. She felt Chloe’s hand on her back as they formed a line in the number. She looked back at her just once when she was behind Beca. Little moments of fiery red flitted in and out of her vision, but mostly she lost herself in the performance. She had helped create all this. And people were excited by the performance, they were intrigued. She saw Jesse put his fist up in salute towards the end of “Don’t You Forget About Me” in time with her and she couldn’t hide her wide grin.   
At the end of the set the group of women embraced joyfully. It was clear that however they placed, they had succeeded. Beca grabbed Chloe’s hands and they embraced excitedly, lingering together for longer than any of the other women did. 

“I have to talk to you” Beca whispered, not letting go of Chloe’s hand and leading her through a back hallway out of the auditorium. Chloe looked confused for a moment as they paused in the hallway, before chiding Beca at their clasped hands.

“So you do like holding my hand after all” Chloe said playfully

Beca looked a little startled “uhh, yes actually” she blurted, flustered. Chloe smiled, not missing a beat.

“Probably not as much as I’d like kissing you though,” Chloe said

Beca was stunned. Chloe Beale liked her. Chloe Beale wanted to kiss her. Chloe who was standing right here holding her hand after they had just rocked their set at the National Championships of Acapella. 

Chloe gently grasped Beca’s other hand in hers, like the first time, right before initiations at the hood night party. Just like that first time, their gazes lingered. They were close enough together that their foreheads were just touching. Beca smiled nervously and leaned in a little further, kissing Chloe gently. It was hard to breathe. Chloe was kissing her. Her lips were soft on Beca’s. Beca reached up to brush the hair out of Chloe’s eyes and off her shoulder, and Chloe smiled into the kiss, making it last just too long to be considered chaste before breaking them apart. Beca was breathless.   
“And you can kiss my neck later” Chloe said flirtatiously, hinting at the moment Beca had asked after their sleepover. “But now we should get back” Chloe said reluctantly, kissing Beca once more briefly.  
Chloe led Beca this time, still holding her hand, to their seats in the audience. Beca didn’t get much of a chance to talk, but it was okay. Everything was out in the open. Chloe had kissed her and promised her more. They walked back to the Bellas group of seats, hand in hand.   
“Told you,” Jesse said smiling from the row in front of them “Endings are the best part.”

Beca chastised him lovingly. “You’re such a weirdo.”

When The Bella’s were announced as the winner, they were ecstatic. Beca squeezed Chloe’s hands and kissed the redhead excitedly. She didn’t know what to call this or what it would be, but things felt right. They would have to talk later, really talk, but things didn’t feel so scary anymore holding Chloe’s hand. For now they would celebrate.


End file.
